The Grossest Place You've Had Sex

The cool months approach, which means all you outside-sex-havers are going to have to move your proclivities to the bedroom or shower like the rest of us. However, I’m sure there are tons of dive-bar bathrooms you could bone in for the same kind of excitement—not speaking from experience or anything. In honor of the end of summer, I’m dying to know: Where’s the grossest place you’ve ever had sex?

My answer is probably the floor of a cafe in Philadelphia, but it was after closing and recently cleaned so maybe not that gross? Probably still pretty grody. Whatever. Who has fucked in a porta-potty? On a ferris wheel? The famed airplane bathroom? I need to know, for my health. Drop that shit (pun unintended) in the comments below.

But first, let’s look at last week’s winners! Here’s the place you can no longer go because an ex ruined it for you:

Anataya, I hope your ex dies alone 🙂

Escalators.

An ex didn’t like that I’d gained weight, so he started a new thing where any time we were approaching a choice between an escalator or stairs (like when exiting the subway), and I headed to the escalator, he’d silently pull me (if we were holding hands) towards the stairs. I refused to let him pull me after the first couple times, so then I’d take the escalator and he’d walk up the stairs beside me and glare at me in silence.

Dude, escalators didn’t make me fat. Now any time I go up one though I remember the fat shaming; it’s been years and I still think of it. Asshole was surprised I didn’t want to remain friends after we broke up.

NoThanksJehova, what the hell? What about the Grand Canyon?

The entire state of Arizona.

BurntFootGumbo, what is going on with Arizona? Do y’all know each other?

The entire city of Phoenix

Deep State Class of ‘97, I’m so sorry, but this is kind of hilarious? Who the hell loves Cosi that much?

This one is like a chain reaction. I dated a girl for a few months. She always wanted to go to Cosi. Like maybe once a week she would make us go to Cosi. Sometimes twice a week. And she had the whole menu memorized. After maybe two months, she mentions, “It has been so long since I have been able to go to Cosi. I just love it here.” I asked her why.

She said her previous boyfriend used to work at Cosi. And she ate there all of the time. But then he got fired for stealing money from the register. And so they could never go to Cosi. She broke up with him a year later. She had a year when she couldn’t go to Cosi.

So once we broke up, I stopped going to Cosi. She was just using me because i wasn’t banned from Cosi.

nadaforgretchenweiners, go to Puebla:

Puebla, Mexico. I cancelled the engagement 2 months before we were supposed to get married. Honestly, I feel bad because I left him with memories we shared of being there together. He had to live there. But I haven’t been back in 12 years so…I guess he ruined it for me.

BUT BY GOD I WANT TO GO BACK THE FOOD IS FUCKING BOMB AND MY FAMILY IS THERE

Caged-Wisdom, this is horrible and I am so sorry:

Not a place, but a TV show. I used to watch “The Walking Dead”, and my then-wife suddenly took great interest and started watching it with me. She’d ask me all sorts of questions, we’d go back an binge watch previous seasons, etc. Turns out, she was banging some guy who loved “The Walking Dead”. I was so heartbroken that I never watched the show again.

LD83, please take pleasure in knowing that place is definitely haunted by an evil spirit and you should never return. I mean, it must be, right?

My ex and I would take fairly frequent trips to this amazing bed and breakfast, with a phenomenal little restaurant, and little cabins you could choose to stay in. It was super romantic. One cabin had a wall where people would stick their used wine corks (there’s a cork there with our initials).

After we broke up, I wanted to take my new bf/now husband there, but it just felt wrong. Turns out, my ex not only took his new gf there, they got married there! I mean, wtf dude?

whitekidinflatbush… at least you have an alternative? Am I being too glass-half-full here?

I greatly envy those who can move away after a breakup. My ex and I are gay men in a big Midwestern city and I constantly run into him and his new flame (who is 12 years my junior and it will never not hurt). My options are to suck it up or become a recluse.

If I avoided the club I go to often, or the internationally famous club where I saw them make out DURING THE SACRED EVENING THAT WAS A MARIAH CAREY CHRISTMAS DANCE PARTY, or never again went to Vegas, Chicago, NYC or Denver, I would be letting them win.

In conclusion, my answer is the overpriced makeup chain store where his horrible new flame works as I would rather give my money to any other overpriced makeup chain store.

And while this is not what I asked for, everyone can learn something from eats books and leaves:

None. After he walked out on me and the kids I made a big point of continuing to go absolutely everywhere that I liked because fuck him, I own all these places and HE can go find somewhere new if it bothers him.