The MTV Europe Music Awards happened last night in Belfast. It wouldn't be MTV without a few manufactured pop stars, teen heartthrobs that olds like me don't get, and a whole lotta fun/fugly get-ups.
Jessie J reminds me that Fran Drescher did it and still does it better. Selena Gomez's dress went too far in the ice skating uniform direction with all that tulle and heavy lace. Bar Refaeli went with the mullet hem, and honestly, it seems like every Hollywood babe with a pair of shapely legs is going for the mullet hem these days, but it looks good on Bar, so why not?
Katy Perry's red carpet outfits cause me a lot of internal strife. On the one hand, I love that she has fun getting dressed and that her outfits are always bound by the perimeters of tackiness and wackiness, but on the other hand, sometimes I think back to the good ol' days of Project Runway, when Nina Garcia told a smug Santino Rice, "It's just not aesthetically pleasing!" I don't know, it's the pink novelty print, and the pink studded jacket, the pink smiley earrings, the pink on the saddle shoes and the pink hair, and the pink lipstick—I just can't take so much pink, and so much fun! Good thing Amy Lee is here to suck all the fun and pink out of the proceedings. The Evanescence singer is wearing horrible things, but at least, we can store freshly picked apples in the folds of her skirt. Hayden Panettiere paired a dress that is trying to be edgy with shoes that are not trying at all.
This is what MTV awards show fashion should be about—young people trying out new and fun proportions while us olds sit around griping about how elegance has fallen by the wayside. No, just kidding, but seriously, the proportions on all three outfits are way off. Ashley Rickards manages to make a mini dress look droopy. It's rarely a good idea to pair slouchy pirate boots with a tight micro mini like Tina Barrett did. Samesies for pairing granny boots with a long velvet gown that has a slit so hardcore that it exposes the entirety of Wynter Gordon's leg.
I'm still recovering from overexposure to pink, but Bruno Mars and his man-gang did a nice thing to wear matching pink jackets, black skinny ties, and wayfarer sunglasses.
I feel prematurely stressed out and annoyed by potential THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME jokes about South Korean boy band, Big Bang, but if I can shake that off for a minute, let me just say that this is basically how I want an all-boy pop band to look—totally manufactured and over the top and unselfconsciously hilarious. How do I get my leather jacket customized with "Cant i do" "Crass" and a peace sign next to the anarchy sign? I want someone to manufacture my look!
Speaking of manufactured... manufactured girl groups seem so quaint and antiquated, but here we have the members of the British girl group From Above looking kind of fabulous. I like the architectural theme, especially the girl on the far left who is in a sort of deconstructed LBD, and the girl next to her in the golden, fan skirt. Not so into the middle girl, who is in a strapless white dress that has been inexplicably covered with a 70's door curtain.
And now we have the grown up boy band for boring adults. I kid, I kid. Nice matching poppy pins for Remembrance Day. Chris Martin is looking very boyish, and I can't help but notice Guy Berryman, next to him, is wearing an updated Mao suit.
Louise Roe's jumpsuit makes her waist disappear completely and also gives off the illusion that her crotch happens a full two feet below her waist. Singer-songwriter Katy B went simple and chic in a black pantsuit, but kicked things up a notch with her red pumps. Jennifer Metcalfe reminds me of a poor man's Megan Fox. Her furry lips bag is horrendous.
David Hasselhoff has no choice but to self-satirize on the red carpet. The Biebs has got some kind of magic that my old ass will never understand, because to me, he looks just like a well-groomed frat boy, who will one day go on to marry a sweet girl and inherit his father's company. Adam Lambert's look is not something I normally endorse, but he was the only guest judge this season on Project Runway who had smart things to say, so now I'm a Lambert fan.
Singer Lena Meyer-Landrut is wearing amazing tights with the wrong dress. British singer Lauren Bennett is in a gutsy-but-ugly leather jumpsuit. There's got to be a pee-flap on that thing, no? Irish actress Amy Huberman has, unfortunately, paired pretty 60's French new wave make-up with ugly 2011 booties and a timeless and personality-less LBD.
" width="960" height="540" /Jade Thompson looks appropriately glittery and fun enough for MTV. Tracee Ellis Ross is severe—thought not in a hot, uptight way—in that droopy red dress. Irina Shayk gown looks showy in an expected way.
David Guetta and Taio Cruz have been responsible for some of my least favorite songs of the past two years. Looking at this photo of the two of them, I can't say our fashion tastes align any better. Thirty Seconds to Mars is an asinine name for a band, and I have only ever disrespected everything that Jared Leto has ever done or worn since he started that band, but I have to say, he looks, for the most part, all right here. Skull t-shirts annoy me, but mostly I can't stop looking at GoonRock's sleeves.
Jason Derulo looks pretty smooth, which I feel like is part of his schtick. Singer-songwriter/DJ Yasmin showed up in an 80's jumpsuit and some silly putty wedges. Call me bemused. Designer Jeremy Scott looks fly in gold leaf.
I attended a Halloween party last weekend where I awkwardly asked a girl, "So what are you supposed to be? Someone from the 80's who likes to be comfortable and doesn't realize we're all going to laugh at her clothes twenty years from now?" and she was like, "No I'm Redfoo from LMFAO." But I don't know, I feel like my description was still pretty spot-on for these LMFAO dudes. Jordan Stephens and Harvey Alexander-Sule are the kids behind the hip-hop duo Rizzle Kicks. They look they've decided to ironically dress up as dads, which is funny and cute. So I guess MTV decided to fly JWOWW and Snooki to Belfast. I love these girls with complete, unattractive sincerity. With that same sincerity, I will say that JWOWW has been looking really good lately, but this dress is not good. Snooki, on the other hand, looks gorgeous and seductive in an 80's Dynasty era-hair with glittery stripper heels kind of way.