Cooke Maroney is officially Mr. Jennifer Lawrence, following a Rhode Island ceremony that took place in a 40,000-square foot haunted mansion over the weekend. Like all haunted mansion weddings, this one had a food truck, run by a guy who had no idea he was serving J. Law’s wedding until he was already there.
Around 150 guests attended the nuptials, among them Emma Stone, Kris Jenner and Amy Schumer, as well as whatever spirits managed to stick around after the home was cleansed by a shaman. But Kevin Tortorella, who owns Boston’s Baddest Burger & Sandwich Co., was not aware he’d be serving burgers and hot dogs to drunken celebrities until he was physically on the premises. According to the Boston Globe,
“I actually didn’t know until I got on the property,” he said, adding that his was the only food truck there. “I found out when I got there, and there were paparazzi everywhere. I was thinking, ‘There’s more to this than meets the eye.’”
Tortorella, your instincts were correct. Though he said he didn’t serve Lawrence herself, he estimated he fed around 135 people from midnight until 4 a.m., even though his orders stipulated he’d be out of there by 1. “Hey, you do what you gotta do,” he said. Indeed. Imagine denying Bradley Cooper his chicken sandwich because you wanted to head home.
Despite the long hours, Tortorella was apparently totally unfazed by the number of stars working through his burgers, but the guy’s clearly nothing if not a professional.
He also noted that one customer, a “tremendously fit” man who “looked like Hercules,” ordered a burger and left — but then reappeared 15 minutes later, saying that he had his limo driver turn around so that he could go back and get another one.
Sadly, Tortorella was not familiar with the Hercules man, who said the burger was the best he’d ever had in his life. In fact, Tortorella claimed he couldn’t identify anyone he served:
When asked if he recognized any of the guests at the star-studded event, he acknowledged that “honestly, there was probably lots and lots of them,” but noted that he doesn’t pay much attention to celebrities and thus didn’t recognize anyone.
“My wife sure was mad when I told her where I was,” he said. “She said, ‘They couldn’t have hired a more perfect person.’”
What’s better than an NDA? Finding the one person on Earth who couldn’t identify Kris Jenner if she walked up and took a hot dog out of his hand. Pretty smart, actually.