The Fate Of The Nice Guy & The Allure Of Bad Boys

“Girls might say they want a nice guy, but what they really want is the cool guy,” dating coach Arthur Malov tells CNN. “A jerk is rarely so bad that no one wants to hook up with him.” Sad, but true?

We all know the stereotypical “nice guy” who is super sweet, and makes friends with women, but gets stuck in the “friend zone.” And we all probably know an asshole who gets laid all the time. So should great guys act like jackasses to get women? Maybe!

Here’s anecdotal evidence from CNN:

Being a nice guy has always backfired in relationships, says 21-year-old David, a University of Connecticut student who declined to give his last name. He said he used to put women on a pedestal — giving them thoughtful gifts and taking them out to fancy dinners. But he stopped doing those things over the last two months and made himself less available. He’s not trying to be cocky or mean to women, but his new attitude is getting him more dates.

Seriously, the truth is: Be yourself, don’t play games, etc. Let’s not put it out there that women want jerks — even if a guy who is too attentive could benefit from being slightly standoffish. Some theories: Maybe some women like the “tension,” as one dating coach in the piece puts it, that comes from being with a bad boy. Maybe some women who have taught that girls should be “good,” polite, demure and safe are attracted to bad boys because they get to live vicariously — they can be close to the danger, the thrill seeking and the edge without actually taking any risks.

Of course, it’s all generalizations: Some women are attracted to nice guys, and some women find “bad” guys fun for a few dates, but not for a real commitment.

And what this CNN piece fails to mention — and what I, anecdotally, have noticed — is that the door swings both ways: My friend M and I once had a conversation about a mutual friend, and M remarked, “She’s such a bitch, and yet she always has a boyfriend. I think guys like the challenge.”