The most unholy union of damned souls may be upon us. Hide your wives, hide your kids. Hide everything.
According to a report in Star Magazine (h/t Radar Online), the Duggars are trying to set extra super-Jesusy football player Tim Tebow up with poor spinster Jana Duggar by sucking up to his mom. To do this, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar have been plotting top secret meetings, sort of the Skull and Bones society meeting at a church bingo night.
Jana's dad Jim Bob has his sights set on NFL player Tim Tebow for Jana's lucky match. And he and Michelle have already had secret meetings in Arkansas with Tebow's mom!
"Jim Bob is no dummy," an insider told Star. "Tim would be a perfect addition to the family and a feather in his cap. Can you imagine the press attention a Tim-Jana wedding would get?"
I smell a new reality show in the works, if anything. "I Married Tim!" or "The Touchdown Duggars!" I'm mostly afraid that this news could break Kacey Musgraves heart.
A few weeks ago, Jim Bob told People "I do not choose who my children marry....Over the years, I have suggested guys to my daughters or we have had a lot of guys that approach us and are interested in this girl or that girl, but each of our girls have chosen their spouse on their own."
The words "Jim Bob is no dummy" will forever be my new mediation mantra.
- Macklemore joined the protests in Seattle following the grand jury's decision not to indict Officer Darren Wilson last night. He reportedly tried to blend in, but was spotted by a photographer. [TMZ]
- Chevy Chase pulled a Johnny Depp. "Pulling a Johnny Depp" now means making a drunken ass of yourself during an awards show speech. I am 100 percent convinced this phrase will come up many, many times in the future. [Page Six]
- Lady Gaga dressed as a giant glittered squid that looks like one of those last-minute gift bows you get at the Dollar Store when you forget someone's birthday. [Buzzfeed]
- The Princess wept. And all through the kingdom, her subjects wept to, for they loved her and feared she would ruin her perfect eye makeup. [ Us Weekly]
- Kendra Wilkinson answers a question no one on planet Earth ever, ever wanted answered. [ET]
- Here is a ex-boy bander's butt crack. I don't know. You're welcome, I guess. [E Online]
- In less butt crack filled news, Reese Witherspoon and Nicole Kidman are teaming up to do a miniseries. [Deadline]
- Eva Mendes and Internet meme Ryan Gosling named their daughter Esmeralda because they love the character from Victor Hugo's The Hunchback of Notre Dame. [Violet Grey]
- Nicholas Hoult ate early Thanksgiving dinner with a bunch of other famous people. Then he unbuckled his pants, yelled at everyone to shut up during the damn Lions game and fell asleep with a beer in his had. Oh wait—no, that was me last year. Sorry. [Just Jared]
- Don't worry, Adam Levine and Blake Shelton won't be spending their Thanksgiving this year crying alone over a box of Stouffer's turkey tetrazzini. [Wonderwall]
Well, that's it for me until after the Thanksgiving holidays. I'll be blogging a bit more tonight but after that I'm off until Sunday evening. Last year, some of you will remember, that I gave up cooking on my favorite holiday of the year so I could spend it here with you punks. This year I have a fridge full of food and lots of hungry mouths to feed, so I won't be around. I will miss you guys and have a safe and happy Thanksgiving! Here is a turkey dance I expect you all to learn by the time I get back.
Images via Getty.