The Dude Who Played Barney the Purple Dinosaur Has His Own Tantric Sex Business Now

Photo: AP (Barney...and friends).
Photo: AP (Barney...and friends).

Apparently no one checked in on the guy who played Barney for a while, and boy has he been up to stuff!


On Tuesday, Vice reported that David Joyner, who in the ’90s played Barney the purple dinosaur on the PBS children’s show Barney & Friends, now operates a tantric massage business that has lured about 30 clients, whom he refers to as “goddesses.”

According to Vice, Joyner charges $350 for a 3-4 hour session that may include a ritual bath, chakra balancing, and orgasm achieved through massage alone.

And, yes, he literarily does go there:

“The energy I brought up [while] in the costume is based on the foundation of tantra, which is love. Everything stems, grows, and evolves from love. Even when you have emotionally blocked energy, the best way to remove it is to remove it with love, and then replace it with God’s divine love. Love heals and allows you to continue to grow.”

Great! Now I’ve just got to get the Barney theme song unstuck from my head.


Here’s some boring news about Kylie Jenner’s pregnancy!

A source told People on Tuesday that “Kylie is definitely ready for the baby to arrive.”


But, wait, she’s having other feelings too…mixed feelings, one might say, a sampling of the human experience.

“Coming up on the end of the pregnancy, there are a lot of different emotions,” the source told People. “She’s excited, she’s anxious…there are a lot of feelings, but she’s ready for what’s next.”


Oh thank goodness. For a second I thought they were going to add she’s also nervous and enthusiastic. There’s only so much a single person can feel.


Wouldn’t it be fun to be Margot Robbie today? Undoubtedly, yes. Here she is dancing in some white strappy thing to the tune of “YOU JUST GOT NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR.”


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contributing writer, nights



whom he refers to as “goddesses.”

Honestly this makes me shudder nearly as much as the idea of Barney the dinosaur doing tantric massages. Men who talk like this tend to be really creepy toward women. See also: Charlie Sheen.