The Children's Treasury of Creepy Paper Dolls

There's something very satisfying about paper dolls; I'm not sure if it's their orderly little rectangular tabs, their two-dimensional simplicity, or my fond memories of devising dramatic plot lines with my extensive "Titanic" themed paper doll set (yep). These paper doll sets, however, range from uncanny to straight-up disturbing. Where's my cut-out Unsinkable Molly Brown with accompanying flimsy wide-brimmed hat when I need her?

I desperately wanted to be Catholic when I was a kid so I could wear a communion dress. I knew they were puffy and white and sparkly — basically kid-sized fantasy wedding dresses — because whenever I saw one for sale, my mom would tell me we couldn't buy it because I was Jewish. If I had this paper doll set, I would've known she was lying.

I have so many questions: what is that white rectangle with the cut-out slit? The holy ghost? Why does she look so terrified? How many times can you simulate a communion, anyway? [Christian Nightmares]

For the little kid who aspires to be a portly newspaper mogul! [The Strong]

This little girl has the most depressing life ever — it appears to be even more dire than communion chick's. She has two entertainment options: dress like Heidi and cradle a creepy baby OR iron. No wonder she has such a pained facial expression. [Marlendy]

Rasputin: always a crowd pleaser (?) [Etsy]

"Captain Runny Nose" is sad because he has to sweep (can't he get a Lost Boy to do that for him?) and only has a wee mouse for companionship. Also because his right shoe keeps falling off. [Superpunch]