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The Best Time You Ever Pretended to Be Someone Else

Illustration for article titled The Best Time You Ever Pretended to Be Someone Else

When I was 11 or 12 and going to summer drama school (YES, I can see that eye roll from here), I would sneak off campus for lunch at our town’s newly open Jamba Juice and order smoothies under the fake identity of “Lola.”


Lola was well liked. Lola was popular during the school year. Lola had the female lead in the drama school’s production of Les Mis—unlike Madeleine who was cast as Peasant #3 and got shot, without a line, during the barricade scene.

Soon, Lola was a Jamba Juice regular (like all Lolas are) and was being remembered by name by the Jamba Juice employees. Too bad then that Madeleine had to go ruin things (like Madeleines often do).


It started with a gnawing guilt over the fact that I was deceiving my new friends at Jamba Juice. Soon, the guilt had overwhelmed me and I knew I had to confess.

“Hi Lola,” the cashier said the next time I went in for my smoothie (with FEMME BOOST, please).

“My name’s not Lola,” I replied.


“My name is not Lola,” I told her. “It’s a fake name I use. You know, to be fun.”


“Oh, okay.”

And that was the end of that.

So that’s my sorry tale of pretending to be someone else and now I want to hear yours. So for this week’s Pissing Contest, I want you to tell me about the best time you ever pretended to be someone else.


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Image via Mad Men/AMC.

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Back in the day, I was often told that with my big 80s perm-curly red hair and similar features that I bore a resemblance to Tawny Kitaen from the Whitesnake video. So one night some girlfriends and I were out at a club and these guys were buying us drinks because they had somehow been led to believe that I was the aforementioned Ms. Kitaen (ahem). Well these b*tches dared to call us (mainly me) out on our lie and and a fracas was about to go down when suddenly there was a ruckus at the front door. Who appears but David Coverdale (lead singer) and his entourage. They head our way and it’s brought to his attention that some chick is claiming to be the girl from their video. David walks over to me, looks me up and down and puts his arm around me. “Of course this is her,” he said with a smile and a wink and sauntered away.