The Best Time You Ever Pretended to Be Someone Else

When I was 11 or 12 and going to summer drama school (YES, I can see that eye roll from here), I would sneak off campus for lunch at our town’s newly open Jamba Juice and order smoothies under the fake identity of “Lola.”

Lola was well liked. Lola was popular during the school year. Lola had the female lead in the drama school’s production of Les Mis—unlike Madeleine who was cast as Peasant #3 and got shot, without a line, during the barricade scene.

Soon, Lola was a Jamba Juice regular (like all Lolas are) and was being remembered by name by the Jamba Juice employees. Too bad then that Madeleine had to go ruin things (like Madeleines often do).

It started with a gnawing guilt over the fact that I was deceiving my new friends at Jamba Juice. Soon, the guilt had overwhelmed me and I knew I had to confess.

“Hi Lola,” the cashier said the next time I went in for my smoothie (with FEMME BOOST, please).

“My name’s not Lola,” I replied.

“Huh?”

“My name is not Lola,” I told her. “It’s a fake name I use. You know, to be fun.”

“Oh, okay.”

And that was the end of that.

So that’s my sorry tale of pretending to be someone else and now I want to hear yours. So for this week’s Pissing Contest, I want you to tell me about the best time you ever pretended to be someone else.