The Best Pick-Up Lines We've Ever Heard

When we asked for the best lines you’d ever heard, did you deliver: the ensuing thread was so full of win that it was impossible to limit the resulting information to a mere 10 quotes!

In the words of one sage commenter, “The key to a good pick up line is delivery. He has to come across as confident otherwise no matter how well crafted or corny it will crash and burn.” (That goes for ladies, too.) As the thread made clear, we don’t like canned lines – but who doesn’t love great dialogue? “You’re beautiful” – with no creepy follow-up – was a recurring favorite. Some of the very best stories came from prior generations, and because a lot of the best were more stories than lines, I’m seriously considering both a “vintage edition” and a “how-we-met” thread! If only because this one left everyone (save that one angry dude) smiling. Enjoy:

Best Could-Be-Corny Lines:

In a town I lived in for a few years, on the main street, there was a flower shop/stand (it was like a greenhouse with the longest side open to the street). As I was walking by to get back to my apartment and the guy working inside the shop said, “wait, wait!” and handed me this beautiful pale pink ranunculus. I was somewhat startled and ungraciously replied, “Thanks?” and he said, “I’m sorry, but until you’d walked by, I thought this was the most beauty I’d see today.

So when are we going to get together and discuss the demise of snappy repartee?

My ex came up to me and said “I’m shipping out to the German front, this could be my last night in America, baby!” And when I gave him the WTF look he shrugged and said, “Worked for my grandparents.”

Best Line To A Glasses-Wearer:

I don’t believe in Dorothy Parker’s maxim.

Best For The Marriage-Minded:

Hi, I’m Andrew. I thought we should at least have a conversation before we get married.

Best Mid-Calculus Line:

Puppies are as cute as the speed of light is fast, but your cuteness threshold approaches that limit.

Best Back-And-Forth Exchange:

The day my parents met. My father needed a date for a function, so his secretary gestured towards my mother, 5 feet away, who was in the conference room on business. My father looked at her, then turned back to his secretary and said, “But is she smart”? (Implying my mother was beautiful…but probably stupid. Also didn’t address her directly but talked about her like she wasn’t there – good one dad). My mother turned to him and said, “Smart enough to never go out with you”. And then sashayed out of the room. Since everyone has always been too afraid to ever talk back to him, my dad spent the next 3 days groveling and begging her to go out with him. She relented. They’ve been married 23 years.

Best Line By Possibly Psychotic Homeless Man:

Excuse me Miss, would you like to drive across country and kill people with me?

Most Irresistible:

I’ve got two tickets to David Sedaris. How about it?

Most Flattering:

It wasn’t a pick up line, but it’s one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me, so I have to share. I was at the library when a young man with Downs came up to me, closed his eyes, inhaled deeply, and said, “You smell like happy feels!”

Coolest:

I like what you laugh at.

Best Use of Ice-Breaker:

My parents met in a laundromat in college. My dad knew my mom’s roommate, and chatted with her while my shy parents more or less ignored each other and each thought about how cute the other one was. When my mom left, my dad’s underwear and Mickey Mouse sheets turned into a ball of flame in the dryer.

Later, he walked to her house and told her, “I think you set my underpants on fire. I’m pretty sure this means we should get dinner.”

They are still in luuuuuuhhhve like 30 years later.

Best Nerd Line:

When I was a kid, I was always chosen last when forming prisonner ball’s teams.” (This, told by a frail, cute geek with long -ish hair and Buddy Holly to my nerdy punkette self, got me very interested, as I could only answer “me too!”.)

Best Recovery:

My best friend was sitting on a barstool next to a guy she had a big crush on when she nervously spilled her beer. Instead of showing her embarrassment, she dipped her hand in the spill, wiped it on the guy’s face and said, “Quit drooling on me.”They’ve been married for 14 years and have 4 kids.

Most Romance-Novel Apropos:

I want to have you on every hill in Lebanon, under every tree.

Best Line Guaranteed To Work On A Guy:

Can I buy you a beer and talk to you for 5 minutes?

Most Topical:

I can’t think of anyone else I’d rather survive the Zombie Holocaust with.

And Maybe The Best Opening Exchange in History:

When my grandfather was flying back from the South Pacific, he radioed in to Kansas where he was landing. He had just recovered from malaria and thus didn’t know that women were now working in control towers.

When he called in he said, “This is Captain Allen preparing for landing. How do you read me?”

My grandmothers’ voice came over the airwaves and she said “Hello Captain Allen, I read you like a book.”
He was shocked and intrigued and giddy at the sound of her voice.