Welcome to March 2021, one year since the covid-19 global health crisis disrupted American life. Remember dates? I sure don’t. But I do think I’ve been on a few good ones pre-pandemic, which means Jezebel readers have probably been on a few great ones. Tell me about the best date of your life, and then maybe we can The Secret our way into a romantic future.
But first, let’s take a look at last week’s winners. This is all the disgusting food you loved to eat as a kid. Y’all are gross.
BohemianGrapes, absolutely not:
Ketchup on cooked carrots.
Ishbushka West Rides Again, that isn’t even food?:
Chalkboard chalk, when the teacher wasn’t looking. Also regular plain Tums. Both these items must be nibbled slowly with the front top teeth only. Possibly I had a calcium deficiency, although we usually had milk in the house.
E=MC Hammmered, how:
I once chewed the same piece of gum for a week, which would be bad enough, but when I wasn’t chewing it I’d stick it to the stop sign down the street from my house, then retrieve it later.
slowtobond, was she fucking with you?
My older sister showed my how to dip a finger in Crisco, dip it in sugar, and then eat it in one go. It was also, unfortunately, the white Crisco, which just seems worse now.
Muqaddimah (call me Muck), I feel for your family:
Sugar packets. Every time we went to a restaurant, I would load up on sugar packets. Like, hundreds of them. I would carry them around in my pockets. At random times when I decided I felt “stressed”, I would rip one of those babies open and shoot it down like an 80s frat boy with a Jagermeister. Then I would do an “ohhhh, yeeeaahhh” like some kind of junkie I’d probably seen on TV.
tonight, living in a fantasy... ok...:
Another comment just made me remember something. Oh god.
My brothers and I would do this weird thing with bread. Take a piece of white or potato bread right out the package. Put it in your mouth and don’t bite down. Let the bread get a little wet with saliva, move it around a little with your tongue. You might chew it a little if needed, but mostly you’re just getting it a little wet.
Now, take the wet bread out of your mouth. Use your dirty little kid hangs to form the bread into a ball. Add spit if needed. Get it nice and smooth- this is why wheat or multigrain is not a good bread for this. It will be a tight little ball, firmer than an unbaked cookie, but not harder than a baked cookie. You’ll know when it’s right. Then eat it.
I’ve never been more happy that this is anonymous.
Veit, I respect this, somehow:
Pizza with enough pepper on it that you couldn’t see the sauce, followed by ketchup. Every Friday (Pizza Day) of fifth grade. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Oh! And hot dogs with garlic. Minced garlic, from a jar. My parents would only let me do it on vacation, when normal food rules ceased to apply—this is also when I would be allowed to have sugared cereal, for instance. Because I could only do it annually, I would use a LOT of garlic. It’s a wonder anyone consented to be around me for the rest of the day, but I couldn’t smell anything.
I know I’ve said this before, but it’s still gross. Raw bacon. I could eat a package of raw bacon if you left me alone with it. I don’t know why, but I loved the smell. Help me.
kiwipuff, I also did this?:
I like a cold hot dog by itself. lol. I’m trying to think of what weird food I eat/used to eat that nobody else likes. Dry Cheerios or dry Kix? Lemon slices? Chipped beef on toast? I swear there’s people out there who like it, but everyone I know except my mom thinks it’s disgusting.
My mom has like... a partially lead stomach and sometimes no taste buds. When I was a kid she’d snack on dry uncooked pasta, or a raw potato. I assume the potato came from growing up poor in Iowa in the 50s with not many snack food options. Saltines with frosting used to be their “cookie” treat. Blergh!
I don’t buy cottage cheese, and my mom didn’t buy it when I was a kid, but I do like it very occasionally from like... a breakfast buffet or something. Just a wee scoop.
cynicalbitch, is this not... poison:
Who hasn’t eaten a little peppermint scented paste?
Tell us all about that good, good date you had that one time in the comments below.