The Bachelorette Men Confirm They’re Not Really There For the Bachelorette

Monday night, The Bachelorette aired its historically least interesting episode of the series, “The Men Tell All.” On any normal season, this would be a time for the eliminated men to bicker with one another and talk about how they’re still pining for the bachelorette, who graces them with her presence at some point. However this year, in the twist of all twists, the men decided to fight just a tiny bit and then fall back on the one thing that got all of them through this journey: each other. After Katie emerged to face all of her ex-boyfriends, she was greeted not with the affections and regrets of 10 men she rejected, but instead, she was met with a song. A song about bromance.

There is absolutely no better way to sum up this season than with Connor’s song about how he “walked away with 30 new friends” despite getting dumped by Katie for being a dispassionate kisser. (After watching all the kissing footage, I’m convinced Katie is the bad kisser.) It was an incredibly cringe moment but after hearing it back a few times, the song slaps. Other than Karl, all of these men genuinely seemed to like each other and have formed a bond that was missing in their relationships with Katie. Even Thomas, who was removed from the house by group vote, got a teensy bit of love from fellow scummy guy Hunter. The audience has seen the wonders of bromance and frankly, I hope someone is sitting in the basement of ABC studios crafting a pitch for a limited series called The Bromance. Connor B can host and I can be his backup uke player.

Of course, because this is a show about emotional manipulation, it wasn’t all ukuleles and roses. At the top of the hour, audiences were treated to a tearful scene that was foretold by the seers and the Bachelor Nation fan pages. Michael A. finally sent himself home. Throughout the season Michael A. was given private time to contact his son, James, whom he left at home in Ohio. During Monday night’s father-son FaceTime session, James made a comment that his father wasn’t around because he simply didn’t want to be around anymore. In part this is true; had Michael A. actually wanted to be home, then he would have been. But hearing those words from his son and knowing that they would be playing in a loop on national television lit a fire under Michael’s ass and immediately after the call, he told Katie he was leaving because “a little boy needs his father.”

The most surprising part of this is that Katie actually had an emotional reaction that bordered on genuine. She appeared sad to see Michael A. go and said that she saw the two of them making it to the end with each other. Those words meant absolutely nothing in the moment, however, because Katie has yet to tell any of the remaining men that she loves them or is falling in love with them.

Now while I am thrilled that this man is going home to take care of his child and allow the ghost of his wife to rest, there is one looming concern left in his wake. Is Michael A. being considered for the next Bachelor? Certainly, all the pieces are there. The men love him, America finds him amiable, he’s got some good dad jokes, he said he was still looking for love, and most importantly there has yet to be any scandal surrounding him. Hopefully, James will talk him out of it and if not, Bachelor Nation should riot. I’ll bring the ukulele.