The Bachelor Wedding Was Just Sex, Sex, Sexy Sex

On Sunday night, Sean and Catherine of The Bachelor got married. Congratulations! They also participated in another activity they were very excited about: they had sex. Double congratulations!

During the two hour episode – which was televised live and presented with pre-shot segments detailing the wedding prep – Sean and Catherine spent an extensive amount of time talking (and giggling) about how they were waiting to have sex until their wedding night. This wasn’t new information; Sean is a born-again virgin who had his future bride baptized by his pastor father a few weeks ago. But the first time sex was so important to the couple that it ended up influencing (and overshadowing) their nuptials; Catherine decided that the theme of the wedding was “grown sexy,” which she defined as an “air of grown-up mature but still having that subtle touches of sex. Robin Thicke.”

Sean and Catherine’s first time was discussed with the wedding planner, with the woman Sean bought lingerie from at La Perla, with one of Catherine’s bridesmaids as she prepared take boudoir photos for Sean, and in an interview between the future Mr. and Mrs. Sean Lowe and host Chris Harrison where Harrison asked about how annoying the “tabloid coverage” about them waiting until marriage has been.

This last conversation displayed a total lack of self-awareness from both the producers of the show (or complete hypocrisy on the part of Sean and Catherine, depending on how cynical you are). Harrison had mentioned the impending sexual relations no less than five times in the promos between commercials, and the potential sex had also been discussed in the previous week’s special The Bachelor Love Stories. Most impressively, the producers included an inset camera on screen during the pre-produced segments that allowed viewers of the show to check in on how the honeymoon suite was doing. The high point of all this action was when everyone watching got to see a housekeeper making the bed. Most of the time, however, the camera just showed an empty room with said made bed in it, patiently waiting for all the sex that was about to happen on it.

Unfortunately for everyone who tuned in, despite all the jokes Chris Harrison made about potentially sticking around to watch the magic happen, ABC was the ultimate tease: they chose not to televise Sean and Catherine’s first night together. That’s an opportunity that the next couple who chooses to get married because of this magical franchise will hopefully not miss.