The 20 Strangest Looks From Men's Fashion Week

Men’s fashion week has wound its way through Milan and Paris, leaving streaks of body makeup and memories of ridiculous clothes in its wake. When your stockbroker is also a leather daddy, buy him Versace. He’ll thank you. And if you stare intently at the yellow pants for long enough, a picture of a handsome, stylishly dressed man appears.

DSquared2 had a team of leather-pants-clad dancers boogie down in harnesses and high heels.

The one on the left is totally thinking, “Motherfucker, I got a dance scholarship to Juilliard.”

Giorgio Armani may have criticized Prada and Versace for making “clownish styles” that Real Men™ don’t wear, but then he kind of ruined his own credibility by going ahead and putting this outfit on his runway. The only situation in which it seems appropriate — or even plausible — to wear are those mornings when one awakens to find all the Honey Nut Cheerios are gone, and one has to toddle down to the nearest bodega in one’s silken pajamas. Only one lives in a city where all the bodegas have dress codes that mandate blazers.

Christian Dior men’s wear designer Kris Van Assche continued to display his fondness for the Amish-boy-goes-on-Rumspringa-and-gets-a-makeover look.

Meanwhile, at John Galliano, new creative director Bill Gaytten showed a collection of clothes that seemed highly derivative of his own former boss’s style. On models who looked an awful lot like his own former boss. That and one “Where’s Waldo: The Awkward Years” get-up.

Only the hippest Bushwick locavore CSA-friendly raw-milk-enthusiast part-time ukelele-player butchers will wear Raf Simons’ candy-colored leather aprons. Pretty much my favorite thing in the world, aside from imagining elaborate situations in which butchers might wear candy-colored leather aprons, is looking at the faces of male models who have to wear skirts or tunics. They want you to know they are the Butchest Thing Ever.

Thom Browne favors sock garters for fall.

Little Lord Fauntleroy grew up at last and walked the runway for Comme des Garçons! And Junya Watanabe gave the world a collection of gentlemen farmer-approved looks.