Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Texas Dodges a Matthew McConaughey Shaped Bullet

The bongo drum enthusiast announced he will not run for governor of Texas.

We may earn a commission from links on this page.
Image for article titled Texas Dodges a Matthew McConaughey Shaped Bullet
Image: Naomi Galai (Getty Images)

On the first night of Hanukkah, the internet bore witness to a miracle. Matthew McConaughey announced on Twitter that he would not be running for governor of Texas, despite playing a months-long game of will-he-or-won’t-he. The announcement, which was so full of useless words it reminded me of some of my senior term papers, focused on McConaughey’s quest to “be most useful” in this life and his realization that politics was not the answer to his grand search.

The actor claimed that after years of studying Texan and American politics, he’s learned a few key things. “We have some problems we need to fix,” he says matter of factly. “Our politics needs new purpose. We have divides that need healing. We need more trust in our lives.”

Advertisement

He then blathered on a bit about service and freedom. At this point, I began to wonder what he smoked before he turned the camera on because that shit wasn’t worth the money.

Eventually, after some painfully long minutes of outlining vague issues and posing existential questions, McConaughey got to the point of his little soliloquy and said he would not be taking the political path. Instead, he plans to continue being of service by sharing his “bounty” and supporting entrepreneurs and businesses that have service-focused missions. There was also something about prosperity, but I tuned him out once it became clear this man would not be attempting a political career any time soon.

Advertisement

  • New Elliot Page thirst trap just dropped. [Instagram]
  • Oscar De La Hoya, sweetie, you are too old to be talking about comebacks. Take your money and go somewhere. [TMZ]
  • Pretty sure Rihanna wants you to do anal in these pajamas. [TMZ]
  • Lindsay Lohan is engaged! [TMZ]
  • Tom Ford blogged about how much he didn’t like House of Gucci. [Air Mail]
  • Tom Holland will never be free from the Spider-Man suit. [IndieWire]
  • Somebody go check on Jack Dorsey. [New York Post]