Tell Us About Your Worst Encounters with Insects

Illustration for article titled Tell Us About Your Worst Encounters with Insects

In today’s Pissing Contest, we’re talking about our worst encounters with bugs. (Thanks to reader Chad for the suggestion!) “But that’s a spider in the lede photo,” you’re probably saying. “Spiders aren’t insects!” CAN IT, you annoying nerd! We’re talking about horrifying experiences with creepy-crawlies and spiders—for our purposes—certainly count!

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Here are some good (read: horrifying) bug stories from the Jezebel staff.

Ellie:

“I got a bee in my swimsuit when I was in 3rd grade and my mom ripped my swimsuit off me in front of EVERYONE.”

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Kelly:

“I have a vivid memory of my mom getting into some fireants while picking blackberries and just stripping naked right there in the dirt road.”

Joanna:

“I went to bermuda with my mom and my sister and there was a thunderstorm and palmetto bugs kept crawling out of the walls. That was real trauma.”

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Joanna, again:

“I also got dengue fever from a mosquito, which is not a bad bug but dengue fever is a bad outcome.”

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Counterpoint: Mosquitos are the worst bug.

Emma:

“I found a 4-inch house centipede that had been terrorizing me for weeks after I heard it shuffling behind a framed photo at night and when I killed it, my own blood smeared across the wall.”

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Also Emma:

“We found a chained-up room literally full of “halloween crabs” while in a disgusting hostel in Costa Rica and when we cracked open the door, we heard them all move in a wave away from the light. It sounded like a rainstick.”

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Yes, we’re counting crabs as “sea bugs.”

Now quit “bugging” me with your silence! It’s time to talk about our worst experiences with insects!

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Contact the author at madeleine@jezebel.com.

Image via Arachnophobia/Buena Vista Pictures.

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DISCUSSION

Oh man, I was just telling this story on another website this week ironically enough.

My parents live in a fancy house in a rural subdivision on the outskirts of a small island town and pretty regularly battle weird animal invasions. About a year and a half ago, they had an especially unpleasant infestation. Honeybees found their way into the walls and built the downtown mixed-use development of beehives all the way up the living room wall and into the ceiling above the entertainment center. After a terrifying few weeks of regular bee invasions while my parents were trying to sit around enjoying NCIS, they had an exterminator come in and kill the bees. Problem solved.

Except not. What they didn’t realize was that killing the bees didn’t take care of the whole problem. The bees left behind a hive full of honey and larvae and bee corpses that were now rotting in my parents walls and ceilings. It festered for a year until my parents noticed a weird moist spot appear on the ceiling above the entertainment center. Concerned there was a leak, they brought their regular handy man in to open up the ceiling, and the ceiling basically began vomiting cockroaches.

Turns out, an empty beehive, rotting honey, bee larvae and dead bees make the best cockroach nest ever, complete with an in-house long-term food source. My parents had created a self-sustaining cockroach pop-up metropolis in their walls. And these cockroaches, disturbed and frightened at having their thriving society disturbed, came flooding out of the ceiling from this unholy cockroach wormhole like a tidal wave, terrifying the handy man, his wife, and my mom into running for their lives.

I’m really bug phobic and my childhood bedroom is right above the scene of this crime, but my mom insisted on texting me like a thousand pictures of this because she said it was so horrible she had to inflict it on someone else. So I can never come home again.