Ted Cruz Claims That One Person Likes His Beard

Illustration for article titled Ted Cruz Claims That One Person Likes His Beard
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Ted Cruz grew out a beard and the world recoiled in disgust. Now, Cruz claims that his “good friend” (definitely real) who is conveniently abroad knows a rabbi (definitely real) who said that he likes Cruz’s beard:


Cruz claims that the rabbi elaborated on his (definitely real) approval of the beard by saying in a (definitely real) quote, “It gives Cruz a Talmudic & Rabbinic look & presence that will put the fear of the Lord into Israel’s enemies & promote Middle East peace.”

“Perhaps a bit much....” Cruz tweeted. Agreed....



I’m not going to lie: I think the beard is an improvement. Not a big improvement mind you, but it gives Cruz more of a jawline than he had before. When he’s clean shaven his face and neck kind of blob together.