A reader spotted this flyer for a sex tracking app from Nipple.io at SXSW this weekend.

Nipple.io is a dating app (I use the term "dating" here very loosely) that will, according to their website, "keep track of your sexual activities...see how your performances evolve and win a trip to Las Vegas." Essentially, you bang, you use the app to track who, when and how you bang, you help the company get a ton of likes and maybe you get to go Vegas for some $3.99 prime rib. (Hey, if you do win, trust me—stay at the Excalibur. Don't let the theme fool you, that place is the best.)


That all seems fine and dandy and it certainly beats the Mead Composition notebooks that so many of us used to scrawl the names of the people we just awkwardly made out with in our dorm rooms before the next episode of Melrose Place comes on and we forget them altogether.

What's no so fine and dandy, perhaps, is this rather bizarre and kind of gross "infographic"/advertisement they're using to promote the whole deal. "Free beers will increase your chances to have sex, but won't help you remember it," the flyer reads.

And of course, there's this lovely, skeezy depiction of the vagina with a beer bottle????


I guess they are trying to say, if you put right up to the woman's vagina, you will get free, forgettable sex. Or beer? I—don't know.

I just want to be perfectly clear here to all the people reading this. My vagina will not give you free beer, OK? Also, waving a beer bottle in front of my lady parts will not magically open my legs for sex. So don't try it. You're just going to look like a weirdo putting beer bottles up to people's crotches.


Oh and apparently this totally NSFW page is their Facebook account, which seems to me to violate the Facebook TOS on photos? Sorry for going full Polly Prude, but ummm—yeah. (Facebook sure does love that double standard on graphic images, doesn't it?)