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In what can only be described as an unfortunate editorial misstep, Jezebel recently ran a piece arguing that tea “sucks.” I feel it is my responsibility to correct the record and assure our readers that tea is very good, and certainly better than coffee.

Life is long and tea offers the tea-drinker a range of experiences. In the morning, I may choose from one of the many varieties of black or green tea that our earth has created for us to enjoy. (This morning, I had matcha. It was grassy and invigorating.) When I am not in the mood for caffeine, I may enjoy a cup of peppermint or chamomile tea. Other times, maybe at work (as a pure hypothetical), I may enjoy a non-psychoactive cannabidiol tea with turmeric and ginger.

Coffee, on the other hand, offers you one experience: nonstop shitting your pants, probably.

In her piece disparaging tea, Clio Chang also writes that it is “cheap.” She continues:

Have you ever thought about how cheap tea is compared to, say, a good beverage like coffee? In fact, some tea is even cheaper than water. It’s because tea sucks.

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Wages have been stagnant for decades and nearly half of renter households in New York City are rent burdened; unlike Chang, I will save my disdain for the billionaires ruining our great city (with the support of so many of our elected officials) and not an affordable and warming drink.

Regrettably, tea did play a hand in making Boston historically significant. It is the only bad thing it has ever done.