Moral of the advertisement: don't drink Diet Coke if you are allergic to cats. I think.

In this cute new spot for Diet Coke, Taylor Swift fully embraces the cat lady meowing inside of her (there's one in all of us). Every time she takes a sip of soda, more cats appear. Aw, that's adorable! Everyone loves kitties! But tell me, Coca Cola, where are these cats coming from? According to the law of conservation of mass, the little critters cannot be created nor can they be destroyed, so these cats must be transported from somewhere. Perhaps a shelter? Perhaps an alley somewhere?

Or perhaps (and this is the most probable according to my super mathy calcu-measurements), every time Taylor Swift takes a sip from Diet Cokes, a cat taken in by a loving family spontaneously combusts, only to reform within a 15 ft radius of her location, where she feeds them/holds them hostage. So next time you think of picking up a Diet Coke, please. Think of the kitties. And families, if you ever want to see your precious fucking furball kitties again, don't forget to pick up her album 1989 at the end of the month.

(And honestly, if my life tasted as good as Diet Coke, I'd probably be hanging out somewhere in the Meth Belt, mailing my dystopian YA series Carl-ateral Damage—the main character's name is Carl, duh—to HarperCollins multiple times a week.)