Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal Annoy Me By Liking the Things I Like

Let’s begin with some day-breaking gossip.

• Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal popped into Park Slope’s Gorilla Coffee, described by People as a “favorite family haunt.” (All those disgruntled employees must be pretty sorry now!) I assume Taylor Swift is a divisive topic around these parts, so if I don’t have something nice to say etc. However: maple-flavored anything is my very #1 always and forever favorite, so a few points for Ole Doe Eyes there, I suppose. [People]
• The best thing about this item on Lindsay Lohan‘s Thanksgiving (with SamRo! And MiLo!) is the sentence “Lindsay had originally wanted to spend the holiday back in NY with Dina and the fam, but Betty Ford denied the request.” I like the idea of 92-year old Betty herself rubber stamping “DENIED” on Lindsay’s app. [TMZ]
• The Black Eyed Peas have officially been announced as the Super Bowl halftime show act, which is an excellent opportunity for me to post the link to the most important halftime show in Super Bowl history. The year was 2001, and you owe it to yourself to settle in for ten minutes and click. It’s like a Four Loko can full of sweet sweet music. Halftime shows used to mean something.

• Clarissa Explains It All (About Parenting): “”It’s been really hard. Today I had to leave the gym because Brady pooped his pants,” Melissa Joan Hart said. “I couldn’t quite get him on the potty in time. It’s tough but that’s the messy stuff you deal with!” [People]
• Jennifer Aniston and Chelsea Handler spent Thanksgiving hanging out in Cabo. (/gnaws on tongue) [Radar Online]
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• AND FINALLY: a common comment left on Altarcations posts is this: “Why doesn’t the New York Times show the divorce announcements in 5 years when all these couples break up?” I now know where to point these merchants of misery: to the Huffington Post. (Presumably, they’re already well-acquainted.)
• The Times itself reports on the growth of a HuffPo “divorce section,” and the story of conception is pretty much what you’d expect:
• With [Nora] Ephron aboard, Ms. Huffington spun into action; the tagline for the site became “Marriage comes and goes, but divorce is forever.”
• One week after its debut on Nov. 8, HuffPo’s divorce section was the eighth most popular area on the site (out of 27 sections), with about 500,000 page views its first week, thousands and thousands of comments, and grim, slightly creepy ads (thecellsnoop.com, yourdivorcemediator.com).
• The ads aren’t the only thing about this piece that’s grim and slightly creepy. How about the lede?
• YOU don’t have to be divorced to be sucked in by the new HuffPost Divorce section on The Huffington Post; you just have to have thought about getting one. Which basically includes every married person on the planet.
• …Oh. Or this bit of information, which I wish I could immediately un-know, and which I am currently resisting clicking on with all the Odyssean strength I can muster:
• Then there’s the Twitter feed titled “The Moment I Knew,” where readers vent about everything from the quietly heartbreaking (“When he said to me I’d be important to him in 20 years, after his retirement”) to the darkly hilarious (“He crumbled baguettes all over the food and serving utensils knowing I have a severe wheat allergy.”)
• Crumbling baguettes? More like MY CRUMBLING LOWER LIP. Anyway, of course the article later cites an example of a typical HuffPo divorce post, and as you can guess, it’s a slideshow.
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And with that, I shall bid you adieu. Thanks so much, dear sweet Jezebelistas, for tolerating me today. Have wonderful weekends! May your family reunions be swift and your high school reunions be sex romps. I’m off to faceplant into an apple pie and then onto a couch.

(Photo via Getty Images)