'Tablet for Women' Is Like a Regular Tablet, But More Fucking Bullshitty

Illustration for article titled Tablet for Women Is Like a Regular Tablet, But More Fucking Bullshitty

Today in YES, SEXISM EXISTS, it's the world's first tablet for women! The ePad Femme (working title: the "Awww, She Thinks She's People Magic Window to Fairytopia") is an eight-inch Android-based tablet that comes with apps pre-loaded, so as to not bewilder miniature lady-brains with complicated "downloading" procedures and "human agency and choice." Also, it doubles as a maxi-pad! (No, it doesn't, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to BLEED ON ITS FACE.)


If press photos are accurate, the pre-selected apps include: "Cloathing Size Conversion [sic, and also !?]," "Daily Yoga," "Yoga for Women," "Women's Fitness" (I'm sensing a theme!!!), "Women's Assistant" (the logo is a scale wrapped in a tape measurer, so I assume it's a Women's Not-Having-a-Fat-Butt Assistant), "Finest Perfume for Women," "Women's Log," "Shopping List," "Our Groceries," "Indian Curry Recipes," "Middle Eastern Recipes," "Arabic Recipes," and "Yogurt Cannon." I made the last one up, but ALL OF THE REST OF THEM ARE REAL THINGS. So, just to be clear, that's four yoga/fitness apps, three make-me-a-sandwich apps, three bitches-be-shoppin' apps, one app for women too stupid to understand how perfume works, and something about a log. Here you go, ladies! Don't strain your vaginas trying to figure out how to turn it on!

The ePad Femme is manufactured by the Dubai-based Eurostar Group, whose VP has already declared it "not sexist."

"The Tablet comes preloaded with applications so you can just turn it on and log in to cooking recipes or yoga," Mani Nair, Associate Vice President for Marketing at Eurostar Group, told the Jerusalem Post. "It makes a perfect gadget for a woman who might find difficulties in terms of downloading these applications and it is a quick reference."

Nair insists that the ePad Femme isn't sexist and explained that Eurostar Group is focusing on pre-loaded applications for many of their products.


Oh, well then! It's not sexist—ePad Femme goes out of its way to provide all the services that women need, such as weight loss tips, skinniness assistants, svelte-boday tools, and buns managers. There's even an "invisible fence" option that provides a helpful "reminder shock" if you accidentally wander out of the kitchen and get lost! And isn't thinking about women's needs actually the opposite of sexist? Think about it, girls. Try a little gratitude for once.

Wait, not everyone agrees:

However, Eman Al Nafjan, a Saudi feminist blogger, feels that this is just another way to give women information targeted at pleasing their husband. She explained that many women are tech-savvy, and in countries like Saudi Arabia, women spend a lot of time online since they are not allowed to drive or travel without a male relative.

UUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH. Upside: At least it's not pink? That's what we have to cling to these days. At least it's not pink.

BRB, rage-menses.

The "first tablet for women" is as awful as it sounds [DailyDot]

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Cloathing conversion, eh?

Recently, all my medium cardigans converted to Judaism. It's a real pain in the ass because now they insist that my drawer be kept kosher. It was much easier when all my skirts when through their Wiccan phase.