On Wednesday, a concerned but misguided individual called the police to report what they thought was a mass killing. Except, when police arrived at the scene at Seascape Cafe in Lincolnshire, England they found a bunch of people lying motionless on the floor... under blankets... finishing up a yoga class.
“If any one heard the mass of police sirens in Chapel St Leonard’s at 9:30pm last night then please be reassured….” the Cafe posted on their Facebook page after the incident was settled. “Please be mindful that the Observatory has lots of Yoga classes happening in the evenings. We are not part of any mad cult or crazy clubs,” the post read. The police who arrived at the scene confirmed they were “happy to report everyone was safe and well.”
Well, first of all, obviously glad to hear that there wasn’t another horrific Heaven’s Gate situation and that no one was harmed or led astray by a manic cult leader. But while the Lincolnshire police department confirmed in a statement to the Guardian that the informant had “good intentions,” I certainly have some questions for them!
What sort of person is looped into the culture enough to suspect sacrificial cult-fueled mass killings but does not know about arguably the best part of any yoga class: getting to lie very still and nearly fall asleep at the very end? I suppose savasana is colloquially referred to as “corpse pose” but still! I feel like whoever called this in, god bless their soul, is watching a few too many true crime docs and not touching enough grass—or yoga mats—as the kids say.
What I’ll also say, is that exercise classes have been the jumping-off point, no pun intended, for some nefarious behavior, though stopping short of ritualistic death. Think: Yoga to the People, OneTaste, and Tracy Anderson Method. I’ve also been in classes where I’m asked to do so many burpees I wish for death. But, of course, none where I’m instructed to do so by a teacher with topographical abs.
Again, happy that everyone is safe and that the yoga class relaxed folks to such an extent that an onlooker thought their motionless meditating bodies meant they’d greeted death at its door. Namaste to all involved!