Surgery Ruined Heidi Montag's "Career"

Illustration for article titled Surgery Ruined Heidi Montags Career
  • More on this in Midweek Madness, but Heidi Montag is a sad Barbie on the cover of Life & Style, calling her plastic surgery a "disaster" and showing off her scars a year after the procedures.

Surgery leaves scars? Imagine that! Also, the mag calls them "operation-room battle wounds." As though she were some brave, valiant solider riding into battle on a noble steed. Fuck a duck in a pick-up truck. More on this non-story later. [Life & Style]

  • FYI, Heidi "feels like Edward Scissorhands." [Scoop]
  • Oh lord. Reese Witherspoon Googles herself when she is feeling low, and says: "I literally think I look bad in every picture." And! She's super into her farm animals. "I really do have animal friends," she said on Chelsea Handler's show. These include her pigs, Booker T. Washington and Lavender Valentine, her goats George and Martha Washington and her donkeys, Honky and Tonky. "I wanted to call them Honky Tonk and Badonkadonk, but the kids weren't so into it. They didn't know what 'badonkadonk' meant. So apparently I am doing some good parenting." [E!]
  • Lindsay Lohan is a suspect in a criminal battery investigation, since a Betty Ford staffer claims Lindsay twisted and sprained her wrist. The woman in question claims Lindsay had been drinking. [TMZ, TMZ]
  • Dawn Holland, the woman who accused Lindsay of violence, has been fired for violating confidentiality rules. [TMZ]
  • In the past, Dawn Holland has been herself accused of battery — by her husband. [TMZ]
  • Lindsay Lohan is telling friends and family that she was out getting her hair done, and when she returned to the house, Dawn Holland wanted her to take a breathalyzer test — then grabbed her and pushed her so hard, LL began to cry. Lindsay was the one who called 911. [TMZ, Radar Online]
  • More details from the incident report are at the link; it seems that Lindsay refused to take a breathalyzer test and an argument ensued. [TMZ]
  • Shocker: TMZ paid Dawn Holland to share her side of the story. Maybe as much as $10,000! [Radar Online, Radar Online]
  • And now a quote from sad panda Taylor Momsen: "I don't really have many friends. I never have. I was always a loner. I was in and out of school so much - so, I dunno, I'm really shy." [Showbiz Spy]
  • Get ready: The Perry-Brands are planning to procreate. Yoga, glitter, Shakespeare and latex for everyone! [Daily Mail]
  • You guys, Harry Shum Jr. should be a bigger star! He's hot, insanely talented, hot and hot. Watch him get coerced to show off his abs by Lisa Rinna and some other random lady in a video clip at the link. [Access Hollywood]
  • Bret Michaels on being engaged: "It feels awesome." [People]
  • Dear Universe: A story about Alexander Skarsgard being naked really ought to come with pictures. [E!]
  • Ew! Zsa Zsa Gabor's husband Prince Frederic Von Anhalt accidentally glued his eye shut after mistaking nail glue for eyedrops. He'll have to wear a patch for a few weeks. How very Days Of Our Lives. Or whichever soap opera has the guy with the patch. (All of them?) [CNN]
  • Two idiots broke into 50 Cent's mansion in Connecticut, and one of them was found in a closet drinking wine. He's not the one who is grinning like a dummy in his mug shot... But both were in suspicion of marijuana so maybe they were stoned. How high do you have to be to break into Fiddy's house? [TMZ]
  • At the link: Shaq, in a tuxedo, directing the Boston Pops. [NYDN]
  • The release date for Blue Valentine has been moved up a couple of days, to December 29. [Deadline Hollywood]
  • Will Heather Morris — aka Brittany from Glee — be the new Buffy in the Vampire Slayer remake? [E!]
  • HBO is going to film the Broadway production of The Pee-wee Herman Show! I saw it in the theater but will be psyched to watch it on teevee. [NY Times]
  • "My fingers wouldn't respond to the signals my brain was giving them. I thought, 'I must have all these atrophied muscles in my fingers!' I had bleeding fingers and cramps in my hands and shoulder problems. I was like, 'I think I have cancer!' I went to the doctor and I had just pulled a muscle in my arm. It was a disaster. What a nerd!" — Gwyneth Paltrow. [Digital Spy]

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There once was a girl named Heidi

With "battle wound" scars large and mighty

She got them you see

From her plastic surgery

If her fame is a week

This is Friday