Study Says Men's Beards Are Gross and Filled With Poop

Illustration for article titled Study Says Mens Beards Are Gross and Filled With Poop

Ah, beards. You either love them or hate them. For those of us that are pro-beard, it’s easy to find kindred spirits through all the facial hair-dedicated Tumblrs, Instagrams and OKCupid profiles proclaiming an undying love for faces full of fuzz. Now the beard-haters will have something to throw back at us. A recent study has shown that beards are basically disgusting nests filled with bacteria equivalent to those found inside of a toilet. That’s right, there’s a possibility that doo-doo germs could be lurking in a nearby face merkin right this second.

According to KOAT Albuquerque, several anonymous men allowed a microbiologist to swab their beards for bacterial testing. A few of the beards contained your standard stuff while others revealed to have the kind found in fecal matter. While the microbiologist recommended a good beard scrubbing and regular hand-washing to diminish the presence of these germs, he didn’t mention just exactly how they could have gotten on a man’s fine beard in the first place. That’s been left to our imaginations.

In this dirty, disgusting world we live in, everything is pretty much filled with germs. When I worked as a bank teller, all I’d hear was how something like 99% of cash money had cocaine and dookie on it. I will take my chances making out with these gruff, lumberjack-looking toilet seats. Still, keeping a nice beard shampooed and conditioned won’t hurt. We don’t need some type of listeria hysteria from a beard-borne illness to come about. For those of you who are also not turned off by this news, there’s a dating site for you.


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The Ghost of ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ AKA BabySteps

“he didn’t mention just exactly how they could have gotten on a man’s fine beard in the first place.”

*raises hand*


P.S. “Studies” can fuck right off! :)