Here's a question for those of you who are 47 and older: Have you ever put on a bikini and wondered "Hmm, will other women judge me mercilessly for wearing a two-piece at my age?" Finally, we have the answer! (And it's "yes.")
Today our friends at the Daily Mail published the results of a survey on when women should stop wearing certain items. 2,000 women between the ages of 18 and 65 were polled for this highly-scientific study commissioned by something called Diet Chef. The results are shockingly precise. For instance, did you know that miniskirts are inappropriate once you hit 35, and you should immediately throw out all of your high heels on your 51st birthday?
Here's a handy chart on when you must give up various styles, or prepare for nasty looks from other ladies:
- Bikini, 47
- Miniskirt, 35
- Boob Tube, 33
- Stilettos, 51
- Belly button piercing, 35
- Knee high boots, 47
- Trainers, 44
- Leather trousers, 34
- Leggings, 45
- Ugg boots, 45
- Swimsuit, 61
- Tight vest, 44
- See-through chiffon blouse, 40
- Long hair, 53
- Ponytail, 51
But if I have to stop wearing a swimsuit at 61, won't everyone be able to see my belly button piercing when I jump into the pool naked?
Perhaps the solution is to fight tirelessly against the natural aging process. Oh, and stay thin because only larger women deserve to be discriminated against. The paper reports:
One in two also believe that providing a woman is slim, healthy and attractive into her fifties and sixties, she can "get away with anything."
Then there's this confusing tidbit from Caron Leckie, Diet Chef's nutritionist:
"It's up to individuals to choose when they should stop wearing certain items. Some women may be comfortable in a bikini at the age of 65, whereas the more self-conscious may want to stop much earlier — it's very much personal choice. Saying that, everyone wants to look the best they can and now is the prime time to get in shape for summer."
Slow down! I'm not 16 anymore and my feeble mind can't process this information. It sounds like I'm allowed to wear whatever the hell I want, as long as I want. But no matter what age you are, you'd better make sure your "bikini body" is ready for the summer.