Image via Shutterstock
Image via Shutterstock

Japanese police are investigating the attempted murder of an elderly, bed-ridden woman, who was discovered in her home earlier this month bleeding heavily from around 20 cuts to her face. Who would commit such a heinous crime? Probably a cat.


According to Japan Today, Mayuko Matsumoto’s daughter arrived to her 82-year-old mother’s home to find her covered in blood, though investigators found no sign of forced entry. Something had obviously happened though, ‘cause of all the blood:

“When we found her, blood covered everything above her chin. Her face was soaked in blood. I didn’t know what had happened,” Matsumoto’s daughter told a local news station.


Matsumoto is unable to speak, but authorities eventually realized that her wounds looked suspiciously like... cat scratches. They refocused their search on the stray cats that hang around Matsumoto’s home, and found “traces of what may be human blood on one of them.” Police are currently analyzing a blood sample from the claw of the lead suspect, though it remains unclear how the perpetrator entered Matsumoto’s house. An open window? The chimney? A network of hidden tunnels that all cats secretly use to come and go from residences as they please?

So now crabs are hunting birds, cats are hunting people, people are still hunting each other. The madness is showing no signs of slowing down. Stay inside, lock your windows and for god’s sake, check for cat tunnels.

Night blogger at Jezebel

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Also, isn’t this how Catwoman started? I would totally be down for an elderly Japanese grandma becoming Catwoman. She tries to knit, but she keeps getting distracted and batting the balls of yarn around. She knocks the figurines her grandkids get her off the shelves for no reason. She takes long naps, wakes up, moves to a sunnier spot, and goes back to sleep.

And at night, she fights crime.