Stop This Right Now

Illustration for article titled Stop This Right Now
Photo: Krispy Kreme

It is September, which means we are firmly in the grasp of Big Pumpkin Spice until at least March. Krispy Kreme has decided to celebrate the onslaught of pumpkin spiced everything (and I mean everything) by “bringing back” its “famous” Pumpkin Spice Donut, and now there’s fucking cheesecake inside it for some reason.

I hate it? But also I will eat it? I have layers, as does this donut.


People says the “The Pumpkin Spice Original Filled Donut” is only around for one week, and the promotion is tied to a “Pumpkin Spice Purchase Protection” plan where you can trade in an inferior pumpkin spice product for this allegedly better one:

“Bad pumpkin spice products shouldn’t happen to good people,” Dave Skena, Chief Marketing Officer for Krispy Kreme said in a press release. “If you’ve been impacted by the proliferation of pumpkin spice products that don’t make sense, come to Krispy Kreme and we’ll make it all better.”

All pumpkin spice products are a scam, including this one, because pumpkin spice is just a regular spice made “special” because it is “seasonal,” even though the “season” lasts for like 60 percent of the year and you can buy pumpkin spice products on Amazon dot com whenever you want, if you’re a scab


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I feel like judging people for enjoying pumpkin spice was amusing in 2013, and got kinda tired by 2015. I personally have embraced my basic fall being. Pumpkin spice reminds me of the fancy Barnes & Noble in the town I grew up in and browsing the music and movies section, and all the promise and possibilities I believed in back then. It’s a nice cozy memory in a cup.