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Stick A Fork Sugar Cube In It

Illustration for article titled Stick A Fork Sugar Cube In It

Got drink? It's National Absinthe Day. (I'll be in the corner hallucinating rainbows over the Champs-Elysées.) See you the Oscars!


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Confession time...OK, here goes nothing.

I have shitty teeth. My parents have shitty teeth. The problem isn't all inherited though. I also have poor dental hygiene. Sometimes I forget to brush, I don't floss and I haven't seen a dentist in a long time. That bit about not seeing a dentist is half because I have had some horrible experiences with dentists (like the one I had as a child who would tell me to "Shut up!" if I cried) and half because I don't have insurance. Well, today, a tooth that's been rotting for a long time finally just fell out of my mouth. Yes, it's like your worst nightmare come true. I feel like someone with meth mouth even though I've never ever touched any drugs. Now I don't know what to do. I mean, obviously, I need to see a dentist but that probably won't be anytime soon. In the meantime, I need to know if I can have food touching where the tooth used to be (my gum), if I can have toothpaste touching it and how to smile and talk without people noticing because this is hard enough to explain on the internet without having to explain to someone in person.

There...I feel better, I guess.