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In the next paragraph, it’s made clear that, obviously, the movie got made and that it’s “very much the one Gerwig and Baumbach wrote.” Phew. Except for the damn joke: “Alas, that joke on page one is gone.”

What in the journalism malpractice are we meant to fucking do with that?! Especially when, as far as celebrity-interviews-tied-to-summer-blockbusters go, this profile is admittedly pretty delightful. It’s chock full of enjoyable anecdotes about the movie, like the fact that Gerwig held “movie church” for the cast every Sunday morning where she played reference films like The Umbrellas of Cherbourg. Or that Robbie left Gosling “a pink present with a pink bow, from Barbie to Ken, every day while we were filming.” Or that I still don’t know what the hell to expect from this film except that everyone kept making a lot of vague religious references about it and, in the first 20 minutes of it, Barbie asks everyone, “Do you guys ever think about dying?”

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Unfortunately, the only thing I can expect is for my jaw to remain intact, since that joke—the joke—apparently is gone. I’m not sure how I’m expected to enjoy this movie now that I know I’ll never hear the Gerwig x Baumbach joke that was so dirty? funny? brilliant? disgusting? something!! it dislocated part of Robbie’s skeleton.

Will I still be seeing this movie when it comes out on July 21? Of course. Will I be making it my life’s mission to stalk, follow, and email Gerwig and Baumbach until they cave out of exhaustion and fear and tell me the joke? Also, of course. Watch this space.