Some DAMN FOOL Has Yet to Claim Their $63 Million Lottery Ticket

Illustration for article titled Some DAMN FOOL Has Yet to Claim Their $63 Million Lottery Ticket

Somewhere in Los Angeles County there sits either a benevolent angel residing on earth or a GODDAMN FOOL who still hasn’t claimed their $63 million winning lottery ticket from August 2015.


The LA Times reports that if this person does not come forward and claim their prize by 5 pm TODAY, they will forced to forfeit SIXTY-THREE MILLION DOLLARS WHICH THEY WOULD BE GIVEN FOR DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OTHER THAN BUYING A $2 LOTTERY TICKET.

You know who has $60 million? Jennifer Lawrence. Do you even KNOW what she had to do to earn all that money? Well, ok, not a ton, but she did have to work with David O. Russell about seventy-five times.

The ticket was sold at a 7-Eleven in Chatsworth with the winning numbers: 1-16-30-33-46, and a Mega number of 24.

So, if literally A SHRED of this sounds REMOTELY FAMILIAR, I would strongly suggest you get your ASS down to the California State Lottery Commission BEFORE 5 PM TODAY.

Unfortunately, there is more to this story. It seems that a man named Brandy Milliner says he bought the winning ticket, but the lottery commission has denied his claim.

According to the L.A. County lawsuit, the commission sent a second notice in January, saying the ticket was “too damaged to be reconstructed” and his claim could not be processed. Milliner said the commission has declined to return the ticket.

Milliner is now asking a judge to declare him the winner.

Lottery officials have insisted that nobody has claimed the jackpot.

Nice effort, Brandy. It was certainly worth the shot. And if you really did have the winning ticket, I hope this gut wrenching experience teaches you to be more careful with your things.


Again, if NOBODY claims the $63 MILLION WINNING TICKET by 5pm today, it will go down as the largest unclaimed SuperLotto Plus ticket in California history. The unclaimed funds will then go into the state’s education fund where, truth be told, it will probably be put to much better use. BUT STILL. SOMEBODY COME GET YOUR MONEY.

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Image via Warner Bros.


The Noble Renard

It’s not my lottery ticket but if anyone just wants to give me $60,000,000 I promise to spend it on only the finest projects, like a movie starring Jennifer Lawrence as David O. Russell.