Sofia Vergara’s Embryos Are Probably Gonna Lose That Lawsuit

Image via Getty.
Image via Getty.

Yesterday we discussed the disturbing lawsuit that was filed on behalf of Sofia Vergara’s embryos, Isabella and Emma. (Did Vergara and Nick Loeb name them or did Loeb’s attorneys feel it would give their case more oomph?) Today Page Six reports that several lawyers familiar with the case claim the embryos have “little chance of success.”


Said attorney Michael Stutman:

“The Supreme Court long ago decided that to achieve the status of a protected human life an embryo has to be able to survive on its own. With these embryos being unable to do that, they probably have as much legal protection to exist as your sofa.”

Another attorney, Martha Cohen Stine, has a theory about why Loeb filed suit in Louisiana, saying:

“He’s clearly worried that he’s about to lose the California lawsuit. I think this lawsuit will be dismissed on its face because the embryos are not located in Louisiana.”

And, I mean, we all know attorney Elle Woods would claim that Loeb’s insistence that the embryos be brought to term suggests his masturbatory emissions could count as reckless abandonment.

You can read more of what the lawyers had to say about Isabella and Emma over at Page Six.


You know how I know Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s marriage is JUST FINE? Because, as Refinery29 reports, Jonathan Cheban “spoke to E! News at the Holiday Party” (oh my freaking goodness) and cleared the air.


Cheban, who always sounds like an acquaintance you don’t really like who’s trying to get your attention in the club (not that I know anything about the club), told E!:

“I just FaceTimed with Kim and Kanye and everyone’s talking about some divorce rumors and I was laughing because I didn’t hear that all day and I guess everybody else apparently here did and it’s so funny to me because it’s so not true. I don’t know where people come up with stories but it’s literally hysterical but Jennifer Aniston has also been pregnant like 1,000 times so it’s kind of a joke. They’re in good spirits. I don’t want to talk much about them because it’s not my business but I do have to say that the divorcing is kind of hysterical, that I will mention, because I just spoke to both of them on FaceTime literally before I was coming here and when I heard that I literally burst out laughing.”


He then, I presume, went to the snack table and proceeded to select the most aesthetically appalling, hideously gelatinous food items to post on his Instagram story.


Chester Hanks (bka Chet Haze), the eldest child of Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, revealed that he is a—excuse me, I have to burp—he’s a—sorry, one more—Chester Hanks is a—oh my god, why am I suddenly so gassy—a father in an Instagram video posted Wednesday night.


He said:

Look. I know I’ve been not that active on the ‘gram lately, because I’ve been figuring out my life...and social media’s all bullshit. Anyway, with that being said, I wanna share something today because it’s about to be shared anyway in the press, which is the fact that I have a daughter. I do have a daughter. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. She’s the reason I turned my life around and got sober. I’ve been sober today over a year and a half—from everything. I don’t share her on Instagram. I don’t post her on Instagram. Because her privacy is sacred to me. She is sacred to me. She’s not something to be posted. She’s something that I love, that’s changed my life. But the fact is, she’s about to be shared with everybody. So i want you to hear it from me, not the media, because i’m a real person. It hasn’t been easy making all my mistakes in public, but I’m figuring it out. I’m doing the best I can. Love you.


Though he did not reveal the mother’s identity, he has since tweeted that she is a “great mom,” “one of the nicest people” he knows, and that the media has been “crass” to her in the past.



  • I don’t believe that Keira Knightley’s 19-month-old daughter said “FUCK!” when Donald Trump was elected, but the story is cute. [People]
  • Kelly Clarkson named her Tesla SUV “Castle” because she loves the former TV show Castle. [People]
  • Oh my god this sounds so cool but imagine telling anyone you saw it and not feeling like the world’s biggest asshole. [Page Six]
  • Raise your hand if you knew Sia even had a husband to divorce. [Us Weekly]
  • Rita’s still flaunting. [Daily Mail]

Staff Writer, Jezebel | Man



we have a coworker who is a wonderful, wonderful woman. she’s beautiful, kind, caring, thoughtful, and sweet as all get out.

she wanted to hook me up with her son a couple years ago. so i gave her my number to give to him. he immediately added me on snapchat and his handle was...less than savory (if you want to know what it is, i’ll share, but i hesitate to out someone like that). the first snapchat he sent me was a video of him...he had just woken up on public transit after a long night out, with a boner, and decided to broadcast that to me and everyone on his snapchat list. he also asked me out on a date (via text) for NYE. he asked me to attend a rave with him: “if you wanna come i won’t do any hard drugs that night, unless you wanna do some too, then RAGE!!!!!!!”. i politely declined and shortly after removed him from snapchat.

we still can’t figure out to this day how this d-bag came from such a lovely mom.

all that is to say that sometimes nice people like tom and rita can have kids who are shitty people.