Snooping Through the Instagram of Beyoncé's Latest Enemy, NBA Wife Nicole Curran

By Joan Summers | June 6, 2019 | 2:38pm

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After an unknown woman with a Chanel lambskin crossbody and knockoffs of those Balenciaga thigh-highs leaned across Beyoncé last night, I immediately began digging for information on her online footprint. It’s where the good dirt is.

My efforts in securing the Instagram of the wife of Warriors majority owner Joe Lacob were fruitful. Never has a snooping session paid off with such bountiful rewards.

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From what I can tell, Nicole Curran is an exceedingly rich woman married to a Bay Area power broker who loves posting photos of her expensive shoes. In bed! I’d comment on the sanitary concerns, but I think we can agree she probably doesn’t step outside much in these.

While wearing these shoes, she’s seemingly overtaken by the spirit of a scrappy, 19th century poet.

Here’s her in fingerless Chanel gloves with a knife.

A quick Google search told me these were AC/DC lyrics, which makes the context of a rich woman posting this from her palatial, Greco-Roman mansion that much funnier.

The entity possessing frequently dictates commands to both its vessel and future victims.

The rich: they’re just like us!

Here’s me, finally catching up on Game of Thrones 10 years after the finale. “Did I miss the content window?”

There’s probably an easy joke to make about rich men’s wives and foot fetishes, but I won’t be the one to make it.

At the end of it all I’m left with this: no matter our class status, we both drive the same crumbling strip of Highway 880 on a weekly basis. And acknowledging the underfunding of public works systems in California, one of us probably pays more in taxes to maintain these deteriorating highways than the other! (Hint: It’s not Nicole Curran.)