SNL's Vanessa Bayer Spends Her Sundays On the Damn Couch, Like Everyone Else

Illustration for article titled SNL's Vanessa Bayer Spends Her Sundays On the Damn Couch, Like Everyone Else

“Sunday Routine” is a weekly New York Times feature that exists primarily to shame the contingent of the city inclined to wake up just as the sun is setting, one shoe still dangling from the toes of a hungover foot. But not this week!

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This week’s installment features SNL’s Vanessa Bayer, who, OK, is obviously not a deadbeat at all. She gets home at 5 a.m. because she was working, but if you squint really hard it’s possible to read “working” as “binge drinking,” especially if you’re still drunk! So what does Vanessa Bayer do when she finally wakes up around 3 p.m.? Not a damn thing.

My TV is in an entertainment center. You have to open the doors for the remote to work, so I open those and then I sit down on my couch. I’ll forget my slippers upstairs and I’ll be like, “Ugh! I have to go upstairs to get them.” It’s like eight stairs. But stairs are stairs.

Yes they are, girl. After she’s retrieved her slippers, Bayer will take some time to not shower before ordering a bagel and coffee, which will inevitably find a way to disappoint her. She’ll pool some energy to make a tweet, and then order a bunch of things I’d not have previously thought deliverable, like microwaveable popcorn.

Bayer’s relatability is tarnished somewhat when she mentions her doorman, but it’s restored when you pretend that what she meant was “roommate.” Vanessa Bayer: she’s just like us! Except that she can do this.

Image via Getty.

DISCUSSION

I read that “Sunday Routine” feature on the regular, and when I read this one I was positively joyful! You guys complaining about it must not be regular readers of that column. They usually go thusly: “We sleep in late on Sundays, till about 7:30am or maybe even 8:00. Then I hit the gym for an hour. On the way back I stop at my favorite bagel place and bring home bagels and we have breakfast. Then we might go out to the farmer’s market. We’ll browse around there for an hour or so, then head over to ____ for brunch. If we have the kids with us we’ll go to_____, but if the kids are doing their own thing, then we go to ____. We also love flea markets so if there’s a flea market going on nearby, we’ll stop there. Sunday afternoons are family time, so we’ll take the kids and either walk the highline, or go to one of the museums. We also love to bike, so we might actually load up the SUV with the bikes and drive upstate to one of the parks. Then we come home and we’ll either all cook together, order in, or have some friends over for a quiet dinner. Evenings are spent catching up on email and DVR.”

And I always think to myself, “These people do more on Sunday than I do in a f’ing week!” So Vanessa’s entry was a refreshing change! Someone who does nothing on Sunday, too!