Since We Could All Use a Little Levity Right Now, Here's a Talking Dog

This much we know to be true: dogs hate cats. But maybe they don't hate cats. Had you ever considered that? Had you ever considered that the only thing your dog ever wanted in this wide world of domestic animals was a kitten to cuddle and irritate for the entirety of its degraded feline life as the pet of a common dog? You should listen to your dog more often and not be so self-centered, jeez.

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DISCUSSION

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Rebecca "Burt" Rose

We live in a very old/historic neighborhood and it is very, very cat friendly. Cats just come and go as they please in everyone's houses. When we moved in, we were greeted by about a dozen cats, who came to say hi, climbing all over the porch, peeking in the windows, hanging out in the garage—everywhere.

Until they saw our dog. We have a giant, spazzy Lab who thinks "EVERYBODY LOVES ME AND I HAVE TO LOVE EVERYBODY". She does not understand that cats fucking hate her. The presence of a giant dog quickly made all the neighborhood cats feel much less welcome, to say the least.

Now they mostly stay in our driveway, or by the greenhouse or on the sidewalk out front. They just sort of sit and evil-eye her, like "Fucking dog. Go away."

Except for this one little dude.There is a little grey cat that lives in our neighborhood. We don't think he's quite homeless—he just wanders from house to house to house on our block looking for food or attention or things to turn his nose up and ignore as cats are wont to do. He is a cool little guy, as cats go, and this is coming from a strict Dog Person.

We have a bunch of pecan trees on the property and he will jump like Tarzan through the branches to the roof of our garage and sit there staring at her when she's in the yard. He will come to the fenced in part of the yard. He will try to follow her into the house and when we close the door, he will sit at the door and cry like "HELLOOOO ASSHOLES. YOU LOCKED ME OUT. IDIOTS." And then he'll climb on our roof, until he goes to bug the neighbors for the next few hours.

She is too old to chase or play, but I swear, when that cat comes to the door or up to the fence or follows when we take her for walks—I swear—that dog looks up at me, with just the teenest little look in her eye that says "Can I keep him? Can I?? Pleeeeese?"