Sigh: Josh Brolin and Diane Lane Calling It Quits

CelebritiesDirt Bag

Superfoxes Josh Brolin and Diane Lane are divorcing after eight years of marriage, according to their reps: “It was a mutual decision. It was amicable. It’s not ugly, it’s just over.” (Guh.) It’s the second marriage for both of them. Although this means our fantasy of James Brolin, Barbra Streisand, Josh and Diane playing mah jong on a porch somewhere after getting family-style Chinese dinner is kaput, it might be good news: a few months after their 2004 marriage, Brolin was arrested for spousal battery. The charges were dropped, and it was later referred to as a “misunderstanding.”

He also reportedly had a sinister-sounding “hands-on” conversation with Robin Wright in 2008, has gotten into multiple bar brawls and was arrested for public intoxication this past New Year’s Eve. Get it together. 😐 [TMZ, Us Weekly]

They’ve been separated for a few months already, according to this report.

Once again, Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson may have gone the way of the dodo bird despite their attempts to overcome Rupert Sanders Crotchgrindinggate. However, the two are hanging on until every last Twi-Hard has snatched up the DVD of Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2, “since the first couple weeks are the times when the DVD will sell like wildfire. The more DVDs sold, the more money for them. So they are abiding by the request.”

Because underneath that kohl eyeliner and sulky stares they are really just cylons created to produce hundies, the source does not say, but does not need to. [Entertainmentwise]

Taylor Swift, totally one of those girls who’s into English guys because of Mr. Darcy, “was hanging out with a lot of British music stars at the [Brit awards] after-party, and she was repeatedly overheard saying she would love to find herself a British boyfriend.” (Haha, “repeatedly.” Way to play it cool.)

After her performance, which included some very grown-up thrusting (!), “Taylor was even getting her flirt on with Jordan Stephens of the Rizzle Kicks – they danced together – and she got behind the DJ decks at the shindig, at one point donning the headphones.” [Radar Online]

Unsurprisingly, this is how Mel Gibson gets his flirt on at the club, says a source. “He went over to her table and hit on her by saying, ‘You’re so [bleeping] gorgeous.’ Then he pulled out his phone and started Googling himself.” [Page Six]

  • Ethan Hawke says some angry things about how the Oscars are bullshit, was coincidentally not nominated this year, or any year since 2004. [Page Six]
  • Clint Eastwood got swatted. I feel like we’re over chair jokes but I can’t think of anything else so idk: LOL @ general crotchety status? [TMZ]
  • The most important piece of investigative journalism in years is this thing about how much that annoying celebrity refrain “The gays love me!” is true. [Buzzfeed]
  • Britney Spears’ new boyfriend Normal Dave is already being picked apart by the media buzzards. I like to think of myself more as a Great Egret personally. [TMZ]
  • Some kid who accomplishes the impressive feat of being in Twilight but also having basically nobody care about him (Bronson Pelletier? See, I told you) pled “no contest” to peeing in an airport, gets 2 years of probation. [TMZ]
  • Okay, Justin Bieber. Rein it in. [Daily Mail]
  • And stop buying Twitter followers. [PRWeb]
  • Nick Cannon fruitlessly tries to convince us that Mariah Carey is not a diva at home and does all the normal wife-and-mother stuff. Like vacuuming the carpet with an unplugged Hoover encrusted with diamonds for 3 minutes and then soaking in jasmine water for 6 hours. [The Sun]
  • Mumford and Sons “snubbed” One Direction backstage during the Brit Awards. [The Mirror UK]
  • Meanwhile, Boy George feuds with Liam Payne. [Gossip Cop]
  • Bono’s wife Ali was in a biking accident but she’s basically OK. You can finish your breakfast sandwich. [Express]
  • Michael Bay casts Megan Fox in the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles remake, which I guess makes her this shoe. [Daily Mail]
  • Mira Sorvino has been cast as Jim Gaffigan’s wife on a new CBS comedy but I will always remember her fondly as Mighty Aphrodite’s Linda Ash a.k.a. Judy Cum. [HuffPo]
  • Chris Rock, David Spade and Chris Farley’s brother Kevin had probably what was the most hilarious meal ever, joined by “an attractive, 20-something woman.” Was it you?? Why didn’t you text me from the bathroom?! [Page Six]
  • Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis will co-habitate soon. [Us Weekly]
  • Kate Hudson jumped on a couch and smoked a cigarette. Penny Lane lives! [Us Weekly]
  • Someone I hope to buy a drink for someday hacked Donald Trump’s Twitter and posted Lil Wayne lyrics. [NYDN]
  • Kelly Osbourne sprained her ankle trying not to fall into a public toilet. New 1,000-page book idea for Joyce Carol Oates. [NYDN]
  • Okay, so Liam Hemsworth’s fiancee Miley Cyrus and Chris Hemsworth’s wife Elsa Pataky have the same uncommon haircut, but maybe it’s not as weird as we think? [NYDN]
  • An S&M themed photo shoot for V Magazine that leaked last year, featuring a topless Kate Moss and Rihanna, is officially out. [Radar Online]
  • Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are already flipping their new $11 million Bel Air place. [NYDN]
  • Meanwhile, Kim assures us that Keeping Up With the Kardashians is still her “number one priority,” which is mostly just sad because it’s not her $90,000 sneakers. [E!]
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