Show Us Your Grimmest Sexts

Sexting is embarrassing and regrettable and bad, and none of us can stop doing it. That’s the conclusion, anyway, that we can draw from the news of a married Missouri Republican sending emoji-filled sexts to an intern. Or married Democrat Anthony Weiner doing the same thing. Or Ben Stein. Or an anesthesiologist who was in surgery at the time. Everyone, basically. God, everyone is so damn dumb.

So with the stipulation that the entire world is sexting, and all of it is at least mildly embarrassing — in hindsight, when the heat of passion has cooled, or sometimes immediately after you hit send — we want to see your worst. Show us your grimmest sexts: the strangled metaphors, the failed attempts at dirty talk, the humiliating time you went there and the other person… did not go for it. The grimness could originate from you, from your sexting partner, or both; we want to see them all. One Jezebel staffer, for example, is very bad at sexting, and so she tends to opt for what she calls the Socratic method: “What would you like to do?” “Could you explain more?” “Where would you like me to be?” “Ah, and then what?” Hot.

A few conditions: you can email these to us or leave them in the comments, but you gotta crop out everyone’s name. (If you’re technologically challenged, just type out the text and send that, instead of a screenshot.) Also, don’t send us photos of someone else’s genitals. Or your own genitals. No genitals, guys. We’re not out to embarrass anybody; we just want to share in a collective cringe. We’ll publish the results in a follow-up post, but we won’t use your name, your commenter name, or any other identifying information.

Happy grim sexting, and may God help us all.

Image via NBC