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Should Mr. Hankey Be The Mascot For Rectal Cancer?

Illustration for article titled Should Mr. Hankey Be The Mascot For Rectal Cancer?

With the exception of 14-year-old boys, most people don't like to talk about what comes out of their bum. Add cancer to the mix and you've got a topic no one wants to touch with a 10-foot poll — unless it's represented by a lovable piece of shit! A woman named Michelle L. Dobrawsky is asking Matt Stone and Trey Parker to allow Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo to become the "spokesturd" for rectal cancer. She writes:

I propose promoting and licensing Mr. Hankey as the official ambassador for rectal cancer. I can't think of a more appropriate spokesturd. As a rectal cancer patient, I spend a lot of time focusing on that particular area, and its particular output. And to generate, painlessly, productively and naturally, a perfect Mr. Hankey, is the goal of my treatment. (That, and not dying.)

Imagine the day when Mr. Hankey's earthy brown visage is slapped onto every ribbon, tshirt, electric mixer, lipstick, football helmet, mouth guard, sneaker, toaster, stapler and every other endorsable, colorable product in the world! I'd be happy with a smart baseball cap, and perhaps a shade of lipstick and a candy bar. But to dream at all is to dream big, right?


Don't forget all the Facebook status updates about the color and consistency of your friends' poo! Since it's all about cancer awareness, surely this will be just as popular as posting your bra color.

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I'm seriously curious to know if there are signs or symptoms to look out for, for both anal and colon cancer. I think there are some cancers (pancreatic maybe?) that have very few symptoms so therefore it's very hard to catch and so they're more difficult to treat. I do not like to bring up personal stuff on the interwebs but cancer (breast) is hitting very close to home for me right now. I don't like to argue this cancer gets more attention than that cancer, because all cancer is a terrible little tumor that should be beaten to a pulp (I think that is a South Park quote, you know to stay with the theme). I do not think Mr. Hankey is an appropriate mascot, although I do think he is a funny character. I don't want Towlie to be the mascot for drug addiction either. I love South Park as much (or more, probably) any millennial does, but I'm not thinking a Christmas Poop is the way to go.