Welcome to Should I Buy This, where noted anti-capitalist Joan Summers betrays her values and encourages participation in the consumer culture destroying our planet.
The Jezebel editors have done so much for me: remove the unnecessary em dashes I clutter Dirt Bag with each morning, steer me away from headlines that might incur the wrath of a rabid fan base, and warmly embrace me when the gossip runs dry and I have no jokes to spare. Yesterday, the Jezebel Slack was overtaken when those otherwise omniscient editors asked for shopping advice. I watched as professional relationships deteriorated over slip on sandals and jumpsuit.
Encouraged by my desire to pay them back for all their hard work, I bravely stepped into the fray and waved a crisp, white Everlane box shirt. The call for surrender was heeded. When the noise around me had quieted, I asked those involved to instead send me their various purchasing dilemmas so I could sort through the wreckage myself.
Welcome to Should I Buy This!
Alexis Sobel Fitts asks:
“My streamlined shoes all fell apart at once, so I’m in desperate need of a pair of nice-ish sandals to wear to work/weddings/out/galavanting etc. But also, my hobbled feet are pretty crappy at this point, so I need comfort. These are the dream: Palma High patent leather sandals. but aside from searching Poshmark every few days, I’m not Carrie Bradshaw and spending $300+ on shoes isn’t going to happen. I’m thinking maybe these Charlotte Stone slip-ons are a good sub. Open to any suggestions!
Alexis, I absolutely adore these! Orange is back in a big way. And a strappy sandal is perfect for any number of outfits. You benefit from the unique color without losing your bottom half to a chunky brick (Imagine how much harder this color would be to style on a boot.) But you’re right—$300 is a bit much. Especially in NYC, where any number of rats and trash piles and subways threaten your daily commute. I also worry for your feet. Notice in the example photograph above that the natural arch of her foot is at odds with the steep curve of the sandal. That spot where the heel descends into unsupported sole would greatly impact your posture!
Your second option—the Charlotte Stone slip-ons—is much better. The price and gentler curve on the heel means a straighter back with money in the bank. The suede, however, might find itself besieged by those aforementioned commuting hazards. I found some budget-friendly suede heels at Nordstrom that retain the colorful experience you’re clearly drifting too: Something Navy block heel in red or Jeffrey Campbell wraparound sandals in mint. And if you’re looking to fill the hole in your heart left by your original pitch, Sole Society strappy sandals in mustard.
Verdict: Don’t buy, and weigh your options!
Julianne Escobedo Shepherd asks:
“For months and months I keep going back to this fake fur LED jacket on Dolls Kill that is definitely HIGHLY flammable, but I’m like a bird and attracted to lights and ridiculous shit. So, should I buy this: a J Valentine light up aqua tip faux fur jacket? Or barring that, should I buy this alternate, ‘glacier themed’ version. (Keeping in mind that I am an AGING raver, but like a Tru Raver™ not a corporate raver.)”
Julianne, you are my hero and guiding light. And this is a coat for the aging raver indeed! I will start by IMMEDIATELY dismissing your second choice. (Unless you want to look like an aging raver with something to prove to your Burning Man friends.) Besides, only one group of individuals can successfully wear cropped and hooded white fur coats: anime girls with cat ears and clip-on tails. The pale blue of your original choice is a much more modern approach and I think the elevate it to the extreme edge of taste. The flammability does worry me, though. If you promise not smoke while wearing it, I promise to not blog the headline “Polyester Sheathed Aging Raver Gives Impromptu Light Show After Lighting a Blunt and Bursting Into Flames.”
Verdict: Buy, buy, buy!
Every day I’m amazed by the lessons Megan Reynolds teaches me. Here, she demonstrates the effectiveness speaking plainly when asking for help: “Here is my submission: ASOS DESIGN Curve sweetheart mini dress in zebra print.”
Megan, I appreciate the color story of this dress. In a perfect world we’d all fill our closets with an inordinate amount of oversaturated prints. And the colored seams remind me of the increasingly popular “bold stitch!” (Please, designers: more bold stitching!) This is also a dress for people with personalities, something you’ve been blessed with in spades! It’s similarity to the qipao might bother you for ethical reasons. And don’t forget—you’d be donning a polyester sheath amidst a heat wave. Please consider instead this equally fun flame print dress from ASOS DESIGN. The viscose will provide a breathable alternative to the plastic shell noted above, and the 90s callback to flame prints will signal: “This chick knows what’s up!”
If you cannot escape the pull of polyester, here are some further suggestions: Another Reason blur print slouch dress and COLLUSION Plus zebra print revere shirt romper. (Please get neither so I can buy them instead.)
Verdict: Buy, and then buy some more!
What have we learned today, everyone? Don’t wear white fur unless you’re a teen girl at an anime convention, beware the pull of polyester, and a strappy sandal might break your back (and budget!) If you find yourself drowning in shopping quandaries—fashion or otherwise—don’t forget to leave them in the comments below!