Shocking Surprise Twist: Donald Trump and Megyn Kelly Are Fine Now

In a twist no one (everyone) saw coming, Fox anchor Megyn Kelly and blackening scab artfully hiding in your Raisin Bran Donald Trump have patched up their feud. Their soft-focus, zealously cordial interview Tuesday night served to further legitimize Trump and to launch Kelly’s new career as solo host of her own interview show. Great?


Trump has spent the last nine months harassing Kelly, after she had the temerity to point out some of the many disgusting things he’s said about women. Who could forget the greatest hits: “blood coming out of her wherever,” trying to force her to skip moderating future debates, calling her crazy, on and on and on, to the point where Fox News released a statement denouncing his behavior.

And now everything’s fine! The interview treated us to gripping, illuminating exchanges like:

Kelly: Have you made any mistakes in this campaign? You had said publicly you thought the re-tweet about Heidi Cruz was a mistake.

Trump: Well, I said I could’ve done without it, to be exact. I mean, I could’ve done without it.

Kelly: You said a mistake. Are you walking that back?

Trump: No, I’m not walking it back. But I actually didn’t say it that way. I said I could’ve done without it.

Kelly: But it was a mistake, wasn’t it? I mean, that you shouldn’t have done, right?

Trump: I wish I didn’t do it. Although you know, I guess you could say she’s fair game because she’s very much involved with the campaign.

Kelly: You mocked her looks.

Trump: I have millions of followers at @RealDonaldTrump.

Kelly: [Dryly] I’m familiar.

Trump: The thing that gets me are the retweets.

You don’t say!

Trump was also sort of vaguely sorry for the nine months of stuff he said about Kelly and everyone else on the planet: “Absolutely I have regrets. I don’t think I wanna discuss what the regrets are... I could’ve maybe used different language in a couple of instances.”

There were precisely zero new pieces of new information generated by the interview, unless you count the almost dizzyingly masturbatory spectacle of Trump live-tweeting his own interview:

Congratulations are due all around, except, as always, to the American people.


JujyMonkey: unstable genius


TANTRUMp* is calling his campaign THE MOVEMENT now?

A movement, like in a steaming pile of poop?

<rubs hands together> boy-o-boy, some jokes just write themselves!

*this is what I’m calling him now; you all have permission to use.