SHOCKING: Kate Middleton Drove a Car

Kate Middleton DRIVING ANOTHER CAR in 2017
Kate Middleton DRIVING ANOTHER CAR in 2017
Image: Getty

Breaking news from London!!!!

No, they haven’t decided, logistically, how to shit or get off the pot re: Brexit. It was something much more pressing. “Surprise! Kate Middleton Shocked Tourists by Casually Driving Herself into Buckingham Palace,” read the headline from People. “Kate Middleton stuns tourists as she’s spotted driving herself to Buckingham Palace,” gasped the Mirror. E! went out and found what they described as “an eyewitness,” who said, “We went there without knowing that anything special would happen that day. There were many people waiting for the change of guards when she (Kate Middleton) came to the Palace.”

“I really didn’t expect to see her,” the eyewitness continued. “There was no warning, just in general a lot of police. It was a short but exciting moment.” A tourist also caught an Instagram video.

In fact the royals do drive themselves around; protocol expert William Hanson told the Express, “Modern royalty tend to drive themselves to private parties and engagements because it is exactly that—a private event.” Prince Harry apparently drives around all the time, and Queen Elizabeth was spotted last year driving home from church in her Jaguar.


It’s just that most tourists don’t expect to actually see Kate Middleton pulling up the driveway of Buckingham Palace. Good thing she wasn’t doing something really shocking, like wearing dark nail polish—it would have been anarchy.

Senior Editor, Attic Haunter, Jezebel

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well fuck thee gently with a chainsaw

I’m amazed the Queen let her take the wheel.

To be fair, Kate’s grandmother-in-law is a fucking speed demon. It’s rumoured that she sought to make a cameo appearance in the latest instalment of her favourite franchise, Fast and Furious 17, but could not due to scheduling conflicts. In London, it’s widely known that once Elizabeth II abdicates the thrown, she plans to spend her retirement freelancing as a stunt driver in Hollywood, focusing on movies that feature extended chase scenes involving drug deals and art theft.