Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth
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Sex. Celebrity. Politics. With Teeth

Serena Williams Is Engaged to Alexis Ohanian And I Don't Know How I Feel

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Serena Williams, the undisputed Queen of Tennis and quite possibly the baddest woman on the planet, is engaged to Reddit cofounder Alexis Ohanian and hopefully one day it’ll all make sense.

The pair have been linked together since last fall after Serena and Drake ended their brief but culturally important dalliance. They seem to have kept a rather low profile, at least publicly.


Serena announced the news on, (*groan*) Reddit, in the form of a poem:

I came home

A little late

Someone had a bag packed for me

And a carriage awaited

Destination: Rome

To escort me to my very own “charming”

Back to where our stars first collided

And now it was full circle

At the same table we first met by chance

This time he made it not by chance

But by choice

Down on one knee

He said 4 words




From what I can gather, Ohanian packed her things and shipped her off on an international flight—during which I’m guessing she had time to figure out what was to come. She was then whisked to the location of their first meeting and then, I hope, after a long monologue about his and every other man’s general unworthiness for her company and attention, he took his shot and popped the question.


In case that wasn’t clear, Williams included an illustration of the historical moment, in which she and Ohanian are depicted as robots (????? I think ????) [Ed. note: Kara has never been on Reddit]. It seems safe to assume that the diamond in the picture is scaled accurately.


Soon after, her fiancé confirmed the news on Facebook.


Lotta technology involved here.

OK, you crazy kids! I swear to god, Mr. Alexis Ohanian, if you hurt Serena in any way, shape, or form, you’re gonna need more than the teen trolls lurking within the walls of your website to save you. Good luck to the couple—I wish you both nothing but happiness.


Also, somebody please go check on Drake.