Selena Gomez Did Not Ask Me to Get a Matching Tattoo With Her & I Am Furious

Selena Gomez and her three best friends got matching tattoos over the weekend, and not a single one of them thought to invite me.

According to Billboard, Gomez was hanging out with buddies Courtney Barry, Raquelle Stevens and Ashley Cook the other night when they decided to get “spontaneous” matching tattoos to celebrate someone’s birthday. The gang got number fours because there are four of them (get it), and then Gomez and her NUMBER ONE, Barry, got additional tattoos of, you guessed it, the number one. See it on the ‘gram, kids.

Yowch.

And…

If I sound bitter and jealous, it’s because I AM. I have long yearned for matching friendship tattoos, in part because I am unapologetically basic, and also because I am so fucking scared of needles and commitment that I need someone else to lure me into a tattoo parlor with the promise of eternal platonic bond. I have great tattoo ideas, like a human intestine, or an elephant leg, or a toaster!

Please, Selena Gomez, will you join me in getting the outline of a toaster forever inked into our flesh in the name of Friendship? I have asked my Real Friends, but they all seem opposed to getting branded with an appliance. I know you and your crew have all lived the “most INSANE” story together, but what’s more insane than getting a tattoo with a strange blogger who begged you to do it over the Internet?