SCOTUS Rules Beliefs of Your Boss Trump Your Access to Contraceptives

Illustration for article titled SCOTUS Rules Beliefs of Your Boss Trump Your Access to Contraceptives

In a yet another ruling that indicates that we'd enjoy better legal protection if we just incorporated our reproductive organs and sent them to murder civilians in Iraq, the Supreme Court has ruled that corporations that are "closely held" cannot be required to provide contraceptive coverage. Which means that under certain circumstances, it's officially okay, according to the highest court in the US, for a woman's boss to determine what sort of pregnancy prevention methods she can obtain with her compensation package. This is the most Monday Monday to ever have Mondayed. And it's not even 11 am.


We'll have something more in depth later today, but for now, we should thank Hobby Lobby and Conestoga Wood — two companies that sound like they could be juvenile euphemisms for "vagina" and "erection," respectively — for establishing for posterity that everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but if you control a corporation, you're also entitled to your own facts.

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They narrowed the decision to ONLY the contraception question, to avoid all those pesky worries and questions about not covering blood transfusions, vaccines, etc.

So ONLY women gettin' controlled by corporations here. Whew. Thank god.