In honor of Ted Cruz’s unexpected victory in Oklahoma and his very expected win in Texas, here are the following scenarios in which I would 100 percent vote for Ted Cruz, no questions asked.

(Even though I would ask many questions, and would never vote for him.)

^^ This tweet by Ted Cruz’s Mortal Enemy Craig Mazin™, but instead of “Oscars” I mean “votes,” “comedy” I mean “Trump,” and “dramas” I mean “Ted Cruz.” least this way the Oscars aren’t so white.

I walk into Stonewall last Friday and accidentally run into Ted Cruz.

“...well, THIS could get interesting.”

Ted Cruz ascends stage.


Drops mic.

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Image via Getty.