Scenarios in Which I Would Have Voted For Ted Cruz This #SuperTuesday

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In honor of Ted Cruz’s unexpected victory in Oklahoma and his very expected win in Texas, here are the following scenarios in which I would 100 percent vote for Ted Cruz, no questions asked.

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(Even though I would ask many questions, and would never vote for him.)


^^ This tweet by Ted Cruz’s Mortal Enemy Craig Mazin™, but instead of “Oscars” I mean “votes,” “comedy” I mean “Trump,” and “dramas” I mean “Ted Cruz.”

...at least this way the Oscars aren’t so white.


I walk into Stonewall last Friday and accidentally run into Ted Cruz.

“...well, THIS could get interesting.”


Ted Cruz ascends stage.

“ZODIAC KILLER.”

Drops mic.


Contact the author at jamie.reich@jezebel.com.

Image via Getty.

DISCUSSION

By
Sorely Vexed

Cruz announces he’s kidnapped 50 young children and will eat them if you don’t vote for him. If you do, he’ll only eat 25 (dude is hungry, what can you do?).