Woman Planks for Hours While I Struggle to Sit up Straight in a Chair

Illustration for article titled Woman Planks for Hours While I Struggle to Sit up Straight in a Chair
Image: dbg_plankdoyoga (Instagram)

I’ll be the first person to admit that I have an unusual gym routine. First, there’s the fact that my gym attendance is, let’s say, erratic at best. More than once I’ve walked directly past my gym, gym clothes already on, and gotten directly on the bus back home avoiding even making a passing glance at the front door like it was a person I’ve been ignoring on whatever dating app I’m swiping on that week.

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Second, I’m not too proud to admit that my gym playlist is, uh, questionable at best. I’ve of course got some dance floor classics that I will regularly imagine myself performing a very elaborate drag routine to as motivation to keep running on the treadmill, but then you hit the showtunes and it’s all down hill from there. I’m not proud of it, but I’m also not ashamed. Nothing get’s me through a workout-closing two-minute plank like the last two minutes of ‘The Wizard and I,’ and that’s not something I’ll apologize for.

However, it is why I’ve got to know what’s Dana Glowacka’s playlist, who set the world record for holding a plank at over four hours.

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Glowacka, a yoga teacher from Canada, planked for four hours, nineteen minutes, and fifty-five seconds, which is longer than I can do pretty much anything.

The record was set at the 1st International Plank Training Conference, which sounds like a place that is actually my worst nightmare brought to life, although I’m glad it exists so that folks like Glowacka can do their thing.

Truly I can’t even sit up straight for more than fifteen minutes without freaking out about my posture, and I can’t get through more than fifteen seconds of a plank unless Idina Menzel is belting her face off into my ear holes. I’d love to know what Glowacka’s got pumping in her earbuds. If it’s showtunes, I will officially consider myself an athlete by association, and if it’s not, well, that’ fair I guess.

freelance writer living in San Francisco. Please clap.

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Shelter Cat Update!

Adoptions! Starting in my Unit with Remi, the elegant torti longhair.

Lita, the last of the Musician Kittens Phase 2, went to her forever home!

Stormy, black kitten, was also adopted. She was replaced by Leo, black cat.

I forgot about this one last week - Berkeley, everyone’s favorite surrogate uncle-slash-mother, also got adopted!

Two new kittens joined us: Cherokee (torti) and Ponca (longhair).

Cherokee was the shy one, playing hard to get. She would approach cautiously, then hurriedly retreat if I made a move toward her. I made some progress when I got my magic scritching fingers on her butt during one retreat. She immediately collapsed in ecstasy before quickly recovering and retreating. Sadly, I will not have a chance to continue my ministrations, because she was adopted Thursday night!

In the very next room, I made the acquaintance of a bonded pair, Thor (gray and ebony tabby) and Loki (red tabby). Loki was friendly enough, but Thor...well, you can see for yourself. They will soon be going to their forever home, too!

So for the first time in months, Blue Unit has a kittens-only room. Coral, who was having such a good time with Granger,

changed rooms with Mama Colette and her kittens, Anastasia and Bianca. So now we have Coral joining Carrie and Popcorn. They are still getting used to each other. This pretty much sums them up: Coral explores *everything*, Carrie follows her and occasionally swats playfully at her, and Popcorn watches both of them warily, hissing if either of them get too close.

Coral plays with *every* toy in the room. She was bound and determined to extract the green ball from this toy. Mysteriously, this morning I found the toy dismantled and the ball behind a litterbox. I reassembled the toy and tomorrow morning I will check it again (Update: it stayed intact).

Sherman has proven to be an expert lap limpet. Oddly, his purr is barely audible, even close-up.

I noticed something about Erle Stanley this week - Every time he was out and about, his tail was no longer tucked between his legs. My handsome man is gaining confidence!

Roulette and her wild and crazy eyes always make me laugh.

Okay, here’s an interesting shy cat situation. Meet Yami, a quite handsome fellow with a lean body and long. lithe legs. He won’t let me anywhere near him, despite the fact that he sits at the door or window and talks quite loudly and insistently. I got this picture by playing peek-a-boo with him using the door.

So yesterday I threw down the gauntlet. I sat still on the floor and waited. Sure enough, the Call of the Shoelace drew him inexorably near.

Then I pulled out a piece of string and played a serious game of Capture the String with him. He got this close

but still wouldn’t let me touch him. Game on!

For my introduction to Jester and Piper, I found them both stuffed into a little cave bed. I was able to reach in and scritch and belly rub, but this was all I could manage to tease out of the entrance:

Well, Jester was adopted this week, and Piper suddenly turned into a love bug!

The halloween kittens, on their ID photos, are differentiated by the colors of the collars they wear. Except they’re no longer wearing collars. I finally managed to positively identify Hocus, which is a good thing because he’s the only one who no longer runs away from me.

Last, but not least (as she already knows and will remind you), Cora is ready for your undivided attention.