Saturday Night Social: This Is the Opposite of the Fountain of Youth

For pretty much the entirety of recorded human history there has been evidence that people have been searching for the Fountain of Youth. You know, a glorious, magical spring, whose waters hold within it the power to return youth to those lucky enough to sate their thirst from its pool.

If I’m being perfectly honest, I am most familiar with it from its appearance in season 7 of Charmed, when Paige is cursed and turns into an old lady and Piper and Phoebe try to harness its powers to save their sister. Somewhere in there a a pirate tries to kill them or something (it’s been a while since I’ve done a rewatch), and use the fountain for, obviously, evil, which leaves Piper with no choice but to destroy it forever.

It all sounds a little dramatic to be honest, but after seeing this, I’m honestly ready to pull out my Book of Shadows and ask Piper to destroy another fountain on my behalf. Behold, if you dare, the Papa John’s “garlic sauce dipping fondue tower” that was brought into existence for Shaquille O’Neal’s Super Bowl party.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s a strong, strong desire that lives deep within me that would like nothing more than to unhinge my jaw and insert my head directly into the horrifyingly alluring substance extruding from the top of that cursed fountain, but I’m sure destruction is all that would await me as my body attempted to process whatever the hell that is.

Also, Papa John is literally the worst and while that garlic sauce is truly bomb, even I have to draw the line somewhere.