On Tuesday, December 12th, we will find out if not being accused of child molestation is the political edge we once assumed it was. That is, Alabama will vote on whether to send Doug Jones or Roy Moore to the Senate.
Again, this does not just concern Alabama, this is for the Senate, the place where Mitch McConnell lives (ahhh) and for the exact seat from which Jeff Sessions was launched (AHHH).
Ironically, the allegations against Moore might be working in his favor; a CBS News poll has found that 71 percent of Alabama Republicans don’t believe the many allegations against Moore, including that he assaulted a 14-year-old girl. Essentially those are smear campaigns put out by Democrats via fake news.
So here’s what voters do have to go on, on the record: he said in 2005 that “homosexual conduct should be illegal” and has said that Muslims shouldn’t be allowed to serve in Congress and didn’t know who the Dreamers were as recently as July. Here’s some stuff about Doug Jones that doesn’t include any of those things.
But la la la la I’m not listenninggg, I don’t want to worry about this crap for another 12 hours because it’s Saturday night, so here’s Keegan-Michael Key to take it away! And then sweet puppy therapy to forget.