Image: Donald went to visit Melania in the hospital (Getty)

I’m SORRY, I’m sorry, I apologize in advance for the divisive snickering and focusing on another Melania conspiracy field day (like this and this and this before) which distract from the White House’s untenable apathy and complicity in human suffering. But from a creative writing standpoint, I am so fond of this:

For the record, it’s been 23 days since FLOTUS was seen in public, after reportedly spending several days last month in the hospital for what a spokesperson described as “an embolization procedure to treat a benign kidney condition,” with conspiracies notching up now after it was announced she would not be joining POTUS at Camp David this weekend. And then there was this uncharacteristically media-maligning tweet on the FLOTUS account, which she typically reserves for visits and photo ops and thank-yous:

Okay.

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And as a show of good faith, here’s a bonus panda! As part of an experimental breeding program, researchers in China released 11-year-old Zhenzhen to roam free earlier this week while she was in an “amorous mood,” in the hopes that she would bang in the wild. She took a little stroll, delighted some humans on the way, and hopefully she and all of us will enjoy many freaky times to come. Happy Saturday!