Vote 2020 graphic
Everything you need to know about and expect during
the most important election of our lifetimes

Saturday Night Social: I Too Have Gone Through 70 Bottles of Liquor

Illustration for article titled Saturday Night Social: I Too Have Gone Through 70 Bottles of Liquor
Image: Getty

Last night I thought about watching a bootleg of the musical The Last Five Years alone in my apartment, drinking an entire bottle of wine alone, and crying, just for fun. Instead, I ended up having a virtual movie night with friends, watching Julie & Julia, drinking an entire bottle of wine alone, and crying, just for fun. Watching a movie about cooking that is actually about blogging before spending a day blogging is always a choice!


I woke up not feeling great, but probably better than this Connecticut man who has been charged burglary in the third degree, larceny in the third degree and criminal mischief in the first degree, after self-quarantining in a restaurant for four days and eating and drinking pretty much everything they had inside.

Louis Angel Ortiz apparently broke into Soul de Cuba Café in New Haven, Connecticut last Saturday and then spent the better part of the week going full Augustus Gloop on the place and downing thousands of dollars of food, and stealing and consuming around 70 bottles of liquor. To this, I can deeply, deeply relate. As Whitney Houston might say, it’s not right, but it’s okay!


Now, I certainly am not in favor of burglarizing small businesses now, or ever, but you do have to admit if you’re going to break the law, this is definitely the way to do it. And in fairness, no one was hurt more by this than Ortiz, who must be experiencing a hangover so unimaginable right now it actually makes mine feel a little better.

Definitely no one do this, like ever, but I am curious, if you were going to barricade yourself in a restaurant for four days, which restaurant are you picking and what are you eating and drinking while you’re in there?

freelance writer living in San Francisco. Please clap.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter


Bret's Eyepatch

Is anyone else as sick of hearing all the COVID-19 platitudes as I am? Trying times, difficult times, uncertain times... and my absolute least favorite, “We’re all in this together.”

The more I hear them the more enraged I get. The 1% are holed up in one of their 5 houses, and don’t have to worry about how they’re going to pay rent or buy food. They have much better access to testing, and if they get this thing, they don’t need to worry about how they’re going to pay their medical bills.

Both my husband and I have essential jobs, so we’re much better off than a lot of folks right now. But I’m terrified for all of these people who’ve lost their income, their healthcare, and are going to get COVID-19 on top of it all.

No, we are most certainly are NOT all in this together.