Saturday Night Social: Happy Birthday, Sexual Freak Rupert Grint

I searched high and low, long and hard, for a clip of Julie Walters getting it on with Rupert Grint in Driving Lessons, but no luck. You will have to settle for the hotttTTT'n'fresh tribute video, above. Let the newly-twenty-five year old ginger be your sexual freak, and I will watch from a nearby elm tree, silently smoking a Cohiba.

Have fun tonight!

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new york girl

Does anyone have any experience dealing with addicts?

I am coming to terms with the fact that the man that I have been dating for almost two years is an alcoholic. I was in denial about it for a really long time.

In the beginning, he would fall asleep on my couch and he blamed it not on being wasted but on a sleep disorder he has. I believed him because I wanted to believe him, regardless of the wine we had or the fact that he had come from a happy hour.

But we have been together long enough that I see that's not the case. He drinks nearly every day to the point of passing out. He drinks during lunch, and every day immediately after work, sometimes in the office. When he takes days off drinking (and it's been months since he did that), he has withdrawal symptoms. The first time I experienced that with him last December, it scared me. But he convinced me that it was because there were so many holiday parties / work events / etc, going on that it would die down. And I wanted to believe him.

I have dealt with a lot of repercussions. He travels a lot for work. Not hearing from him and being neglected because he is busy drinking and doesn't want to face me / reality. Knowing he hides things from me. Listening to the lies. I am not perfect, I have my own issues and have gotten really really angry with him for peripheral issues instead of focusing on the big problem. He uses the excuse that he wants to avoid me having a meltdown to lie to me, which makes the arguments worse.

Two weeks ago, after another big fight after another lie, we sat down and talked. About honesty, openness, and about drinking. I told him that the last time I had seen him he had been so drunk it scared me. I ended up meeting up with him after he had been out for awhile with coworkers. He promptly spilled two drinks on me after asking me to not "create a scene" (I had given him a hard time about him not texting me back earlier). I calmly got soda water from the bartender and cleaned myself both times, saying nothing. We left when I ordered my second drink and I noticed that he was basically asleep standing up. We went to his house and he passed out on his couch - snoring and choking. I told him not only is it not fun for me to deal with that, but that it makes me concerned for his emotional and physical well-being. He agreed with me and said he was "over partying", and that he would give me the benefit of the doubt to be honest with me.

The next night he showed up at my apartment drunk. His excuse was he had to take the associates out, they had a tough week. We went out of town that weekend. He drank until he passed out both nights. He said we were "on vacation". That Monday he left town without telling me, visiting his friends and doing work in another city. I barely heard from him. When he did call me, he was irritated, and yelling at me for being "annoying" by texting him too much and being pissed about him being secretive. He finally got back in town on Sunday so we could spend one day together before I left for a business trip. He yelled at me when I suggested a movie because I didn't feel well, pissed that I would suggest we spend time together "sitting in the dark not talking" after giving him "so much shit" about not seeing each other. He was drunk from the airport, and he told me that he had been drunk all week. So he basically left town to get drunk with his buddies and did not call or text me because he didn't want anyone to hold him accountable for his actions.

I was gone all week on business. The few times I did hear from him, he told me he had gone drinking every night. I was getting back late Thursday, he was to leave town on Friday to see his family for the weekend. When I asked if we were going to get together, even though it was late, I was told it was a bad idea because "the deal guys from San Francisco are in town and we are going out". I didn't hear from him until the next day when I texted him to ask if he was alive. He said yes, he was at the airport. I got angry, and haven't heard from him since he left.

I feel as if I am being punished for confronting him, even though he has admitted that it needs to stop. My therapist has said that his actions are classic behaviors of an alcoholic in a relationship, and that my complaints are those of someone who is trying to be in a relationship with an alcoholic. I am in love with this person, and I do believe that he loves me. But I am tired of being hurt, neglected, and abused. I am tired of him not being there for me when I need emotional support. I am tired of being less important than his relationship with vodka.

I hoped that the conversation we had would be a turning point and he would be able to pull it together, again underestimating the extent of his problem. It really is true that you see what you want to see. Things have just gotten worse.

I guess my question for anyone would be - is it possible that they get worse before they get better? I don't even really mean for our relationship, because I know that I have to end things for my own well being, as painful as that is. But for him. He's hurting himself so much.